Erin Rocchio: Executive and Team Coach

Thrive. Lead. Impact.

How To Find Meaning In Your Work – Even When It Feels Hard

For many of us, especially those in service-based businesses such as healthcare, consulting, fundraising and the like, we thrive on providing value for others. We live to serve and see our work as an opportunity to make a difference. We care deeply. And we give all of ourselves.

Sometimes, though, in the humdrum and trappings of modern work, we can lose sight of how our work connects to something bigger. The pressure of organizational structure weighs heavy, we focus on the non-essential and never-ending to-do’s and get crushed by the scope of it all.

When we lose connection with what gives us meaning, we are infinitely more apt to flame out and throw our hands up in despair.

Especially when we care. Especially when we work our asses off.

And when desperation hits, we become emotionally exhausted, our cynicism peaks, and our job performance declines. Cue the downward burnout cycle.

For some lines of work, like those who practice medicine, considerable research has been done to help address this chronic, systemic problem. For physicians in particular (one of the most demanding jobs in modern society, in my humble opinion), research shows that when they are able to carve out 20% of their role for work they find personally fulfilling, such as a research project that contributes to an issue they feel passionately about, they are significantly less likely to experience the effects of burnout. Even when working 100 plus hours a week and experiencing chronic sleep deprivation, finding work that’s meaningful makes that big of a difference. If meaning matters that much for them, there’s got to be value in it for the rest of us, too.

So, how do you and I go about finding meaning in our jobs? Here’s a start.

1. Step Back

Gain some perspective on how your work fits into the broader whole, how you contribute to something beyond pushing papers and answering emails.

2. Ask Yourself

How does my work make a positive difference for those I work with and those I serve? What’s my impact on my community or society as a whole, even indirectly?

3. Find Patterns

Explore ways in which your positive impact reflects what matters most to you – your values – and demonstrates what your ultimate calling, or purpose, might be.

4. Connect and Share

When we share about what lights our heart up and how we get to experience a piece of that magic in our work, the positive emotion amplifies. We appreciate ourselves more. We see our colleagues in a softer, more graceful light. Our passion and care creates more passion and caring for those around us. Research says so.

Connecting back to our work’s meaning is one practice we must never abandon if we are committed to thriving, not surviving. I encourage you to find some time this week to recall why you do what you do, what meaning it inspires in you, and breathe in fully appreciating that you do matter and your work is valued.

I promise it will be worth it.

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The Three Enneagram Types Most Prone To Burnout

Burnout is one of those things that sneaks up on most people. In fact, many people suffering from burnout don’t even realize it’s something they’re battling until it causes noticeably drastic havoc in their life.

For this reason, one of the first steps to resolving issues of burnout includes gaining self-awareness about your personality type. Even if you’re not facing the burnout cliff, this awareness is a vital lever in accelerating any leadership journey.

Using the Enneagram framework, I’ve honed in on three personality types especially vulnerable to the symptoms of burnout: emotional exhaustion, cynicism/withdrawal, and decreased effectiveness. These types include: the Achiever, the Enthusiast, and the Helper.

The Achiever (3)
Perpetually feeling responsible for getting stuff done and adding value to others, these folks are prone to overworking both at work and at home. They neglect their physical well being, maintain a continual state of stress, and have difficulty sticking to their priorities. On top of it all, they tell themselves they must look like they have it all together. Oh, the pressure!

The Enthusiast (7)
These folks revel in all of the future possibilities they want to pursue and they do so with abandon. Focus becomes a challenge, making clear thinking and deliberate action a real stretch. Their path to freedom involves connecting with the needs of the present moment, yet they avoid sitting still in the discomfort of the here and now. At the end of the day, these adventurers can be distracted, mentally tangled, and stretched thin.

The Helper (2)
Ever generous with their time and resources, these kind souls can become so focused on the needs of others that they forget their own (emotional, physical, or otherwise). They embody selflessness, and yet, their breaking points are dramatic. They look to others to fill their cup with appreciation and it often feels not enough, creating both rage and sadness that drain them deeply.

Keep in mind that EVERY personality type struggles to maintain equilibrium in different ways, so you may feel burned out and not identify with a type mentioned here. All of us can experience burnout in our own ways when the circumstances are right.

For this reason, I encourage you to simply notice where you feel stretched. What pulls at you? What voice tells you to do more, be more? How does your inner “gremlin” apply pressure on you, and how do you instinctively respond?

If you’d like to dive deeper, I’d encourage you to take my burnout self assessment. It’s only 15 questions and will provide your unique burnout score, which will help you understand what steps your should currently be taking to either avoid or come back from burnout.

However you assess your current level of burnout, my hope is that you can enjoy any moments of quiet space that find you, take a deep breath in reflection about what matters most, and dance with self-compassion in the chaos of all the rest.

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2016: The Year of Big Emotions & Big Change

‘Tis the season for reflecting, on the year that’s been and the one that’s to come. 2016 has been a full and thrilling one for me personally (Hello, pregnancy!) and deeply challenging for so many of us all (Goodbye, icon after icon… sad face.).

Here are the biggest areas where I’ve seen business leaders struggle and thrive this year. May you find insight and hope in others’ journeys and take heart. We’re in this together.

  • Life Change – Navigating huge personal transitions and leading big business change.
  • Emotional Management – Managing strong emotions when they are intensely passionate about their vision/organization/project.
  • Team Leadership – Supporting growing teams while honoring personal needs for renewal, growth and sustainability.
  • Personal Well-being –Repair broken relationships with their own well being in a comprehensive, meaningful way. This theme underpinned the rest of these challenges.

Life Change

This year, my clients have recovered from cancer, moved parents into assisted living homes, faced new challenges raising special needs children, moved across the globe, lost spouses, and ended marriages. For each person, it’s taken all they had to withstand the pressures and intensity of these life transformations.

Unfortunately, their organizations demanded an equal, sometimes greater, intensity toward their contributions as leaders. These same individuals led multi-million dollar strategic investments and actively groomed the next generation of high-potential talent. They cared for their teammates and stood strong in the face of leadership vacuums. They managed global teams creating breakthrough innovations that will change the planet. Literally.

And they do this all on the same tank of fuel.

Sadly, these brave folks have been hammered by two storms: the one inside their own bodies/hearts/minds and the one inside their organization. With the exception of a notable few, they didn’t get much sympathy or support. Sometimes, their work colleagues didn’t even know what was going on, other than noticing the extra bags under their eyes and slower-than-normal response times.

My clients struggled to hold it all together – as we all do when we’re battling personal change and business change at the same time. I wonder, is this our new norm?

Emotional Management

Many of these talented leaders also spearheaded some vital and exciting new initiatives for their companies that they care deeply about. When they faced resistance and challenge, their frustration often leaked out in the form of defensiveness, irritation, or edginess, despite their best efforts to hide it under a mask of professional restraint. (These are the same folks dealing with loss, grief, trauma, recovery, and tectonic change.)

One can only hold so many big emotions at any given time. Passion takes up just as much weight as anger. So, what happens when someone pushes us too far? How do leaders hold it all, communicating genuinely and professionally at the same time? Even the best of us need occasional help learning to navigate these strong feelings, especially in the workplace.

Team Leadership:

In 2016, my clients were challenged by the capacity of the team beneath them. In order for the leaders themselves to grow, their teams would have to grow – as individuals and as a collective. Comprehensive team development, coaching, and mentoring, as well as managing personnel transitions can take exorbitant effort and focus.

Notice: does team leadership take up 80% of your headspace or calendar? Should it? Find the right allocation of time and energy for a focus on team growth: this will produce a strategic differential for you. For some of you, that may mean reducing the noise a dysfunctional team is demanding by making some hard decisions or critical investments. For others, that may mean significantly upping your focus on your people – thoughtful investments here provide serious ROI for your leadership down the road.

Personal Well-being:

As you take the next couple of weeks to reflect, take stock, and recharge, here is a framework from my partners at Yoke Consultancy that can support your thinking. To use it, score your level of satisfaction in each well-being category from 1-10. Add up your total score in the center circle.

From here, prioritize the category that you believe will make the biggest difference for you next year – be sure to factor in your personal values, leadership vision, and work/life goals.  Designing your work and life around the principles that matter most to you, the things that sustain and renew you, and the ideals you hold most dear, will set you up for the ultimate win: sustained performance and fulfillment.

When you’re ready to help make sense of it all, I would love to help you find your path (or stay true to it). Happy traveling, sojourners!

Model: © 2016 Yoke Consultancy Limited.

Self-Management 201: Two Questions For Every Leader

Some of you have been at this leadership business a long time. Some of you are just beginning. Some have one toe in and one toe out, skeptical about the promise you hear from executive coaches like me about what self-awareness, humanity, and honesty will give you in an oft harsh and unforgiving business climate.

I get it. I don’t have all of the answers. None of us do. Business is changing more rapidly, in more complex ways, across more diverse cultures, than ever before in human history. Our thought leaders are panting to keep up.

As we plow through the data for trends, best practices, and insights for leaders like you, here is what I can promise.

I promise that I will pass along great, powerful questions—questions that get you to think bigger, feel differently, and produce previously inaccessible results. In my experience, the questions you ask are much more important than the answers you find.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

As I’ve worked with hundreds of business leaders across healthcare, private equity, energy, and technology industries, a pattern has emerged in question asking that I want to share with you. That is, I’ve noticed that there are two fundamental inquiries that benefit every leader, often over and over again:

  1. What do I need?
  2. What am I responsible for?

The first question, “What do I need?” creates space for genuine ways of working with others. It provides the fuel for healthy collaboration. When we’re aware of what we need to feel “whole,” we can appropriately meet our needs and communicate openly with others in a way that builds strong trust. We can show up fully charged and emotionally balanced. (Read: you can save yourself from the inevitable “too emotional, too late” outburst that goes hand in hand with being sacrificial beyond your boundaries.) Consider this question, private and self-compassionate, as critical preventative maintenance. This question alone will enable and sustain your best leadership performance.

And, it allows us to give to others from a genuine place—not because we have to, not because we want to get something in return, but because we are in good enough shape to give to our colleagues/organizations. We can support others from our natural energy source without sacrificing our own wellbeing, depleting stretched resources, or resenting those who didn’t ask it of us in the first place.

Leaders, until you know what your needs are—and how to meet them—you can’t effectively serve your people.

The question “What am I responsible for?” moves us from feeling stuck and defeated to being in charge of our circumstances. When we can own our behavior, mindset, and beliefs that contribute to a difficult situation or conflict, we can take powerful action. We can respond maturely instead of reacting as a victim. This moves us into a solution (and mental freedom, or psychic autonomy) more rapidly, the very thing we’re seeking all along.

Often, asking ourselves what we might be able to take responsibility for—even beyond the obvious—empowers a shift away from blame and into intentional choice. We all want to feel in control of our destiny. This inquiry allows you to claim it.

Needs = A hierarchy of human needs to survive, then thrive, within our environments.

Responsibility = Choosing accountability for all the ways we contribute to our external circumstances, productively and unproductively, intentionally or not.

You’ll often hear me say that self-awareness is just the first step on our path to transformative leading. The next and most misunderstood step to master is self-management. Let these two questions become your mantra and they will carry you far, both in coaching and beyond.

To your greatness…

10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Role

All too often I hear executive leaders lament their challenges at work, not just on one or two criteria, but many. They feel afraid that others will find them out, they feel unsuccessful and unsure what to do, and/or they feel completely wiped out – unable to take care of themselves physically, mentally, or emotionally like they know they need. They want to be emotionally intelligent, positive, effective leaders… yet there is a huge wall in their way.

I have been there.

Here’s how it often goes: you start a new role with a company eager, confident, and willing to show how competent and multi-faceted you are. You strive to add value, support the company’s goals, and make a significant impact early on. And you do.

The catch – once people find out you’re a great individual contributor, even a strong people manager or developer of teams, your role expands and your targets become less focused. Your priority list becomes increasingly long (i.e. everything is a priority). Your calendar and mindshare are completely scattered and overextended. Your performance goals may even conflict with one another.

At one point in my career, I was tasked with growing a fledgling team, which required about 80% of my attention to do well and required face time daily with the team. At the same time, I was also expected to continually grow the business, which also required about 80% of my attention to do well and time away from my team.

You may be superman, but I don’t have 160% of me to go around.

This is what they call “performance punishment.” After a few years, my goals and role got so muddied. While I looked successful from the outside, inside I was suffering mightily – exhausted, sick, wracked with a sense of constant failure and self-doubt. One or the other of my critical priorities was always suffering. The cognitive dissonance became too great.

Note: this dilemma can certainly be resolved with clear organizational support. In the absence of that support, you may want to consider a revision of your job scope.

Here are 10 ways to know if “role creep” is happening to you:

  1. On many a morning, you ask yourself, “What the hell am I supposed to be doing exactly?”
  2. You are physically exhausted, sick, and anxious most of the time.
  3. People around you can’t tell the difference between what you do and what your boss does. Who is really accountable for what?
  4. Your personal values frequently clash with what you’re being asked to do, or what you think you need to do your job well.
  5. Your talents, experience and strengths aren’t leveraged or allowed to shine. Instead, you’re measured on things you know aren’t in your “strike zone.”
  6. You have little idea about what “success” actually looks like.
  7. You go home frustrated, defeated, confused or sad often.
  8. Your desire to hide out from your colleagues increases by the day, hoping that no one will notice how lonely/isolated/afraid you’re really feeling.
  9. You fantasize about working at a coffee shop – oh, the simple life!
  10. You are constantly planning your next vacation… anything to help you avoid the struggle you’re in right now.

If you resonated with any of the above, I invite you to spend time reflecting on what is most important to you.

  • What kind of life do you want to experience?
  • What kind of legacy do you want to leave?
  • How do you want to feel while doing your most important work?

Whether a quick clarifying conversation with your boss is needed, or a full-scale reevaluation of your career choices with a coach is on the table, know you are not alone.

Many, many of your colleagues are feeling the exact same way at this very moment.

And, you are worth the investment of time, energy, money to resolve this role mismatch. Your life (and your creative energy) are way too precious.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Renewal: Your Top Leadership Priority

At the incredibly overwhelming pace that we run our lives and businesses, sustaining our best self is both critical and extremely hard. And, here’s what I know – from research and from direct experience – the ability to lead your team well is highly dependent on your ability to renew yourself. In other words, self-care is no longer a nice to have, but a must have.

The link between a leader’s energy, presence, and performance is clear and proven.

Renewal is built on habits of mind, body, and behavior. This skill set is relevant in any field, especially among leaders who face emotionally and physically taxing challenges every day, day after day, year after year.

In Resonant Leadership, authors Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee say, “When leaders sacrifice too much for too long – and reap too little – they can become trapped in what we call the Sacrifice Syndrome. The constant small crises, heavy responsibilities, and perpetual need to influence people can be a heavy burden, so much so that we find ourselves trapped in the Sacrifice Syndrome and slip into internal disquiet, unrest, and distress.”1

This matches closely – too close for comfort – with my own experience of leading and working with leaders across the board. This is really hard work. Not only do you want to be great at the “what” of what you do (providing the best patient care, legal counsel, operational growth, etc.), you also give of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually to a vision or group of people that really matters to you.

Yet even though the demands on your time are great, self-care and renewal are unfortunately not optional: they are a key responsibility of all leaders to ensure against burn out. Not only that, a leader’s ability to continually renew his/her energy, mindset, and emotional equilibrium play a critical factor in the work environment s/he creates for others.

To be clear, we are either contributing to a positive, healthy, and thriving team culture, or we are feeding a dissonant, disengaged, unhealthy one.

An organization’s culture – “the way things get done around here,” or the values, norms and behaviors an organization prizes –  is highly correlated to a leader’s ability to renew and sustain him/herself, especially in times of stress (i.e., always!).

If we’re in Sacrifice Syndrome for too long, the results are not only harmful for our own health and well being, but also for our teams. As we go into an extended Sacrifice Syndrome and a crisis occurs, we no longer have the reserves to operate from our healthiest, most emotionally intelligent state of mind. We can become ineffective or unsustainable quickly. Our cognitive and decision making abilities diminish, our creative capacity to see all solutions shrinks, our collaboration and influence skills suffer. In essence, fight or flight mode becomes real and there is little we can do about it. This is also known as the “amygdala hijack”2 – it takes us clear out.

However, if we’re aware of and working to build in renewal all the time, through mindfulness, compassion, hope, and gratitude, we can generate the resonant relationships that help us lead at our best and build the positive cultures around us we all deeply want.

 

Renewal for Self = Positive Culture for your Team/Organization

This isn’t about work-life balance. Instead, it’s about all those big and small choices you make to keep your energy up, like resting when you need to rest, considering the conversations that “feed” your spirit and those that drain you, reducing the amount of “doing” and spending more time “being.” It’s about becoming ever more aware of all those small moments and choices that restore you, then doing them. The path to renewal will be personal to you. Please honor it.

If renewal became part of your job, what would you do differently?

What would an escape out of Sacrifice Syndrome make possible for your life, your team, your organization?

Quick: how can you replenish yourself right now?

 

 

 

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Resources:

  1. Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. Resonant Leadership. Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing. 2005
  2. Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books. 1995

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What Happens When The Disengaged Employee Is You?

Business minds have been talking a lot about “engagement” in the workplace lately. I’m sure each one of has brushed up against disengagement in one way of another. This is how Forbes wraps up Gallup’s latest survey findings:

Fewer than 1 in 3 (30%) of American workers are committed to the success of their organization and are engaged in their work. Over half (52%) are “disengaged”—defined as “less emotionally connected” and not willing to do any more than necessary to keep their job. Most alarming of all, nearly 1 in 5 workers are “actively disengaged”—actually against their organization, their boss or both.1

Yikes. As a business and community leader myself, this statistic is depressing. It tells me that we have a lot of work to do to activate the potential of those we work with and serve every day. A LOT of work.

It also strikes a chord. Deep in my gut, I know what it feels like to be on the other end of this data—the one in the room that is daydreaming of working anywhere but here, the one whose passions can never seem to be contained inside of a single job description. My business ebbs and flows with the seasons like all consulting firms do: sometimes I get antsy. When it’s slow, I get bored, feel underutilized, guilty for not working my tail off, and fall into a predictable funk. I want to contribute as much as I can, to do good work, like most people do. Yet, it is a rare scenario that every single day of our working lives will be purpose-filled and electrifying. Dammit.

So, when the disengaged person in the room is YOU, what do you do?

Here’s my way out:

  1.    Self-Reflect: For me, self-reflecting takes the form of journaling. When I sit down at my desk in the morning and realize I’ve got a huge “boulder” clogging my mind, I take a few minutes to write it all out, literally clearing the boulder out of my way. Sounds like a waste of precious time, but those 15 minutes are probably the most effective way to getting my head on straight and show up fully.

Self-reflection allows your struggle to express itself, even when your inclination is to struggle against it. Give it a voice on paper. Validate your experience and your needs. I promise that bringing light to what ails you will lessen its pressure considerably. Sometimes, we just need to be heard. Even if only by ourselves.

  1.    Connect with Your Gurus: My inner circle freaking rocks. When I notice my energy is apathetic or even angry at work, post-writing session, I immediately reach out to my most trusted personal friends and teachers. They may not know it, but I call them my “personal board of directors.” These women and men are people with whom I can fully express myself and know I’m safe. I can show them my ugly and they’ll still love me (a miracle, I know!). They my best interests at heart. They see my bigness, my heart, and my potential. Of course, they are much wiser than me.

Find your people who can give you the same room to learn. They will be your battery source. If you don’t have anyone now, that’s perfectly okay. Start looking for people you admire and trust, then cultivate a relationship. The best ones are mutually supportive. And they don’t happen by accident. Build your tribe.

  1.    Let Yourself Be Known:  Put yourself out there. Whether you will ride the wave within your current company or set your sites somewhere else, reaching out to new people brings fresh air into any situation. At one particularly stale point in my career, I decided to get involved in my community through volunteering. I’m now part of three incredible organizations that allow me to fulfill a need to contribute, while also putting me in front of a ton of strangers. These strangers, surprisingly, network for me! It’s incredibly energizing, and both my firm and I are reaping the rewards.

It all started because I put myself out there. I found something I was interested in, asked if I could help, and—surprise—I have a huge new community network that is satisfying my work and personal goals in unexpected ways. So, go surprise yourself. If there’s a nagging voice in your head to volunteer at a dog shelter, go do it! I dare you!

  1.    Take Care: When we’re unhappy at work, it can be a red flag that we’re not taking care of ourselves. For me, I get my tush into yoga class multiple times a week. (You should thank me for that; I’m much less crazy when I do). I will take some deep breaths in the morning before I get out of bed, rather than obsess over my iPhone first thing. I take long walks on my lunch break. Because when it comes down to it, I know that my number one job is taking care of ME: what else is possible if I’m in poor working condition? Nothing. When I’m in good shape, so is my work.

This doesn’t mean you need to go on a radical health kick. Just restore some balance in your life. What gives you energy and joy and peace? Do more of that. If baking cookies makes you giggle like a child, please, go bake! Find your happy. You matter. Your work (and your team) needs you to be well taken care of. And it’s not their job to do it—it’s yours.

If you’re disengaged at work, your LIFE is calling. Start listening to that quiet hum inside of you. Nurture it.

Resources:

  1.     Warrell, Margie. (2013). “70% Disengagement” – 3 Ways To Engage Those Who Aren’t. Forbes. Retrieved from:http://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2013/06/07/70-disengagement-3-ways-to-engage-those-who-arent/

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