Erin Rocchio: Executive and Team Coach

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5 Journal Prompts To Start Your Year And The Science Behind Journaling

Each year, many of us set out to resolve goals for the new year. While forward-thinking and goal setting is a helpful practice, reflection can be just as powerful. Often, it benefits us to sit in silence (or—in a busy home like many of ours—in whatever space gives you solitude) and journal.

Today, we want to provide you with journal writing prompts to establish a baseline for the days ahead and see if there are areas where you can pivot, push forward, or improve, if just by a little.

A Look Into Journaling

For many of us, when we were young, you could find diaries tucked into our secret hiding places filled with crushes, childhood drama, and feelings that we could lock away with our special keys. While we may not have realized it, it was healthy for us to get our emotions out on paper, no matter how trivial our thoughts may have seemed as we’ve aged.

As adults, for many of us, that practice slips away. But, as we launch into stressful careers, find partners, and grow our families, our lives get more complex. Old drama becomes a distant memory replaced with everyone relying on us, a global pandemic, working from home, and—well, you get it.

So, how do we delve into those emotions and sort them out? That diary from your childhood can make its way back into your life via a journal.

The Science Of Journaling

Several studies on expressive writing prove that it is beneficial and for more than just our creativity and aptitude. According to the New York Times, “The scientific research on the benefits of so-called expressive writing is surprisingly vast. Studies have shown that writing about oneself and personal experiences can improve mood disorders, help reduce symptoms among cancer patients, improve a person’s health after a heart attack, reduce doctor visits and even boost memory.” 

Tackling Complex Issues

You may think its time consuming, or find it self-absorbed, but it is not in the least. Journaling can help you structure complex thoughts. Thoughts that float in your mind and tackle each other every day. Perhaps your mind sounds a little something like this:

1:01 pm – “I want to leave my job.” 

1:02 pm – “I have to stay at my job because of my children.” 

1:03 pm – “This work is not fulfilling to me.” 

1:04 pm – “Who am I kidding? I have a degree in this field.” 

Replace these quotes with any other mind-bending personal issue, and you have yourself a complex problem. 

Re-organizing Your Thoughts

In this example, maybe the work is wrong, but your family depends on it, and your degree may put you into a similar position at a workplace that is even worse. But what about the flip side of this issue? How can you think through this complex issue to find solutions in which to resolve it?

Perhaps the root cause of why you want to leave your job is because your coworkers rely on you for the bulk of the workload. In your journaling, you might discover that the difference between a career you hate and a career you love comes down to working through the systems in your workplace to make the workload fairer for you all. 

That is the power of journaling.

Journaling In Wholeness At Work

This is why Wholeness At Work includes sections for journaling and reflection. It is in these moments of reflection where we can make clear roadmaps on how to move forward.

We learn how to free ourselves from workplace burnout, true. In doing so, we journal about the symptoms and sources to give us a well-rounded look into the solutions. If you would like to start reflecting, here are some things to think about.

5 Journal Writing Prompts To Help You Reflect Today

We wanted to include some self-reflection and positive affirmation journal prompts together to help keep your overall mindset positive. Not only can you extend loving-kindness to yourself, but others as you work through the following prompts.

  1. Who in my life do I want to extend some extra loving-kindness towards today?
  2. What do I deeply value and want to honor in my work/life?
  3. What pressures, expectations, or fears can I set down today?
  4. What mental habits and emotional loops do I notice in myself?
  5. What is filling me with a sense of meaning and purpose?

Self-Compassion In Journaling

We ask—as you take time writing—that you do so without judgment to your thoughts. It is important to be true to your feelings. Journaling may bring up something uncomfortable, something you choose to keep in your Id or Ego and not meet face-to-face daily. Show yourself some compassion as you come about those situations. If you think you might be on your way to workplace burnout, get access to our self-assessment here. Our community is working towards wholeness for good, together. Would you join us? Find out more about the Wholeness At Work journey here.

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Wellbeing, Wholeness At Work Tagged With: journal prompts, wholeness

What Is Workplace Burnout?

There comes a time in most of our lives where we have the worst type of “ah-ha!” moment at work – the moment where we realize and acknowledge that we are miserable in our position (don’t worry, you are not alone). 

In this moment, we’re overwhelmed by feelings of negativity, of hopelessness. We feel the tension so deeply that looking at our emails can feel like a monumental task. There are plenty of reasons why this feeling might have come to you, but the culprit usually comes down to one single idea:

Burnout. Workplace burnout, emotional burnout, job burnout, it’s all the same.

So now that we’ve identified the problem, we have to explore it. Getting to know the ins and outs of this awful feeling can help us conquer it in the long run. 

As far as definitions go, “burnout” is a type of stress that compounds over time, leaving you so physically and emotionally drained that it’s affecting your day-to-day life, especially at work. Burnout makes us feel like our accomplishments are meaningless and that our work serves no purpose, leaving us completely unmotivated to get anything done. 

The idea that stress can affect our lives beyond what’s in front of us (meaning our mental and physical health) is relatively new. The whole world is trying to figure out how to establish and maintain professional lives that aren’t overwhelmed by it. That’s why the work behind mitigating burnout can feel so intimidating: we’re all trying to figure this out together. 

Burnout can wreak havoc on you (“I”), your team (“we”), and the systems (“it”) that make up your workplace, so it’s imperative that you begin the journey to overcoming workplace burnout as soon as you recognize it.

What Causes Burnout?

Workplace burnout can come from a few different sources. 

One of those sources that we all need to keep an eye out for is mental health. Depression is a driver of some cases of workplace burnout, so when you start to recognize these feelings, it’s imperative that you sit down with yourself and really consider the situation you’re in as well as the emotions that are popping up. If those feelings weigh insurmountably heavily on your shoulders, it may be time to seek help from a medical professional. 

Once you’ve ruled out mental health as the culprit, workplace burnout can come from two other places: you or your environment. 

It’s important to ask yourself a few questions to determine what’s causing your burnout. If you’re working in a way that doesn’t serve you or honor the boundaries you need to set for yourself, it’s possible that the burnout was caused by the way you approach your work. This is very common in high-achieving leaders. If this is the case, you have an amazing opportunity to redefine how you work so that it is conducive to your spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being. 

There is also a good chance that your burnout isn’t an “I” issue but a “we” and “it” issue. 

“We” is all about your team. Are you and other leaders in your space asking your team to work beyond their abilities? Are leaders willing to work with others? To trust them? 

When the “we” is affected by workplace burnout, negative attitudes settle into “it,” meaning the systems that make up a company. Asking team members to work after-hours when it isn’t appropriate, maintaining unrealistic workloads, and a lack of communication, for example, all set a precedent for creating systemic workplace burnout. 

How Can We Fix Workplace Burnout? 

The key to finding a solution to workplace burnout is digging deep into all of the pieces that make up your workplace through the lenses of “I,” “we,” and “it.” Recognizing that there is a problem at all is a huge step.

If you’re in a leadership position and you recognize signs of burnout in your workplace, it’s incredible that you’ve made your way to this article. I have worked with countless teams to improve workplace culture with burnout in mind and have the resources to take you, your team, and the systems of your workplace to healthy, purposeful, and whole futures you never considered before. 

Filed Under: Burnout, Leadership, Teams, Wellbeing Tagged With: burnout, Workplace Advice

Who Is Wholeness At Work For?

Erin Rocchio, MPOD, created Wholeness At Work with a distinct goal in mind—to help leaders learn the science behind burnout symptoms, gain a comprehensive understanding of its sources, and discover personalized solutions to the chronic power stress of burnout. It is essential to understand burnout as a whole to avoid it. But, who is Wholeness At Work for? We dive into that today.

What Is Wholeness At Work?

Burnout is officially recognized by the World Health Organization (WHO) as an “occupational phenomenon” since 2019. This year (2020) has brought on an enclave of burnout that couldn’t have been predicted and has taken its toll on individuals and entire organizations in a huge way. While it has not been formally evaluated, we have seen some of the repercussions of individuals and businesses being pushed to their absolute limits as we never have before.

Wholeness At Work will dive into the science behind burnout. It will extensively cover the symptoms, sources, and solutions for an in-depth understanding of this phenomenon. This coaching program is designed for individuals or teams to help identify where burnout persists and how to work through it.

The Recovering MBA: Enneagram 1

The Enneagram One is purposeful—always looking to improve themselves and the things around them. But, the constant quest for improvement can be exhausting. Continually trying to find approval from others and proving your goodness through sheer determination will only get you so far. In Wholeness At Work, you will find resources to help you identify the sources of burnout in yourself, your team, and the systems you have in place to ensure that you not only avoid burnout as an individual but can help alleviate those symptoms in your team.

The Conscious CEO: Enneagram 3

Being results-driven and successful is most often the main objective for the Enneagram Three. These are the true “people” people who want to make a social impact and connection with others, and be productive at the same time. But, this personality is susceptible to working, working, working, and never stopping. Wholeness At Work will help you evaluate when it is time to work and when it is time to step back and focus inward. You can’t sustain high performance if you are continually grinding day and night. How can you strike that beautiful place of balance where, as a whole person, you are being fulfilled and renewed on all levels?

The Millennial Manager: Enneagram 7

The Enneagram 7 seeks possibility and freedom, which are beautiful qualities. But, the enthusiasm for what’s possible, without grounded focus, can cause Type Sevens to spin out fairly quickly. So, how can you take all of these positive qualities of possibility seeking, vision, and self-realization and use them to avoid burnout? We can help guide you in Wholeness At Work.

The Type-A Working Mom: Enneagram 8

Do you have so much on your plate that you feel exhausted all the time? The Enneagram 8  is a type-A personality—they want control of their life and everything in it. But, some things we simply don’t have control of (See: 2020). That is what can send this type into a spiral, always aiming to achieve and execute flawlessly, even when the challenges thrown their way are too much for one person. We will help you step back and prioritize you in Wholeness At Work.

In reality, this self-guided coaching program is for anyone who is experiencing burnout at work or in their leadership roles wherever they come. It will help you identify systems and patterns that are feeding into – and maintaining – the cycle of burnout in your life. By identifying these and digging into all the root causes of your burnout pain, you can dismantle and reconstruct a way of leading and living that is more sustainable for you, your team, and your world. We are here for you at every step.

Filed Under: Enneagram, Wellbeing, Wholeness At Work Tagged With: burnout, wholeness at work, Workplace Advice

How Can Time Management Help You To Manage Stress At Work?

Remember college? You would get an assignment for a 3,000-word paper due in two weeks, and, without fail, you would say to yourself, “I am going to start TODAY.” But, ‘today’ would happen, and something more exciting would come up. A week would roll by, and pretty soon, you are sitting with a paper deadline in 24 hours thinking, “I should have scheduled my time better.” Many of us still experience this in one way or another throughout our careers, and that is where time management can come in handy.

What Is Time Management?

We are all well aware of the common thoughts on time management. Whether you work on time blocking your schedule to accomplish all that you can in the day or abide by the time management matrix, all of us have learned the tips and tricks to be productive. What few resources fail to mention, though, is that there are deeper drives to time management as a whole.

The scheduling of our day occurs at the behavioral or external level, which is important but certainly not the root of why you can’t seem to get tasks done. There are deeper drives at play. Beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and values motivate our behavior—as they should. So, how do you align your actions and structures with your thoughts, core values, and deep commitments?

1 | Focus On What Is Important

Your schedule should not just be a reflection of tasks that drop a dime into your bank account every few minutes. Instead, it should reflect what is important to you. There is a popular process creatd by Stephen Covey that puts tasks and commitments into 4 quadrants of time management: Urgent + Important, Not Urgent + Important, Urgent + Not Important, Not Urgent + Not Important. This works well, but it is not all that you need to have successful and holistic time management values. Instead, this can be step 1 of 6 needed for wholeness in time management. We would urge you as you work through this, though, to not just only think through your workday, think through personal tasks as well, and allow your schedule to reflect you as a whole person.

2 | Prioritize Your Day

Now that you have your most important (and least important) duties laid out in front of you, it is time to prioritize. This is separate from the quadrants because something could be urgent + important, and easily delegated. You know the saying, “You have the same amount of hours in a day as [insert accomplished person’s name].” And it is true. But that sentiment doesn’t cover the fact that whoever you thought of would more than likely delegate one or many tasks a day. Everything from getting ready in the morning, picking out clothes, accounting, and the like can be delegated for some of the world’s most successful people. While we all don’t have that privilege, we can consider what is a priority for ourselves: jumping on a client call, going to your toddler’s baseball game, launching that new project you’ve been working on for months, etc., and then move down the list from there. 

3 | Align Your Core Values

We could write a whole book on values, but we don’t want to get too deep into that here. Values aren’t just something you have painted onto your office wall and think of passively. They should ease their way into the fiber of everything you do. Just as your personality comes to light in every one of your interactions, your values should be clear even in time management. As you think through how your time is being used up each day, ask yourself it is aligning with the values you hold true? If the answer is no, it might be time to drop the task or delegate to someone who would find alignment. 

4 | Keep Your Overall Vision In Mind

In this context, vision is synonymous with goals. But, vision encapsulates not just the endpoint where you can check off a box and say “done,” but how do your tasks feed into your overall vision for you.

Imagine you are just starting your business, and your vision is to someday expand your one-person accounting firm to an office full of accountants, investors, and financial representatives. Something like a marketing task might not align with the image you have for yourself, but without being able to delegate in this phase, it is good—if not helpful—to think of your overall vision. “If I work hard on marketing now, some day I can fulfill the dream of owning a full-service financial firm.”

Aligning tasks with your vision is an excellent way to restructure your feelings about some things that simply have to get done but don’t necessarily feed your fire. 

5 | Leave Time For Renewal

Often overlooked in time management is renewal. For those of us who were or are athletes, we know how essential rest is to ultimate performance. Working out every single day may seem like it would set you on the fast-track to ultimate strength and agility, but, on the contrary, your muscles are actually building and repairing on your rest days. So, the rest is where your power comes from.

Similarly, when you schedule a time for rest and renewal in your workday, you will be a stronger executive or team member when you return. There are science-backed ways to rest at the beginning, middle, and end of your day. The thing is, you must be intentional about it. Scheduling out a 20-minute walk when you typically experience your mid-day slump or being intentional about your sleep will not only make you feel better, it will also ensure that the time you spend on tasks is meant with the vibrancy and energy you so wonderfully have within you. 

6 | Practice Essentialism

All of these steps may feel like an arduous task in itself, but they are leading us to a fundamental process: essentialism. What is essential today in your life? By going through these five previous steps, you are more equipped to say “no” when an un-essential task raises its hand and “yes” when something essential comes up by aligning your day with your values, vision, etc—which is one of the main benefits of time management in this form.

Yeses and nos start to become more comfortable. Think about how good it would feel to be able to confidently say, “No, I do not want to take on this project because it does not align with my overall vision.” It can happen with practice. What you do not do in a day is just as important as what you do. If you are putting more effort into the things that don’t get you any results in your work and personal life than the things that do, it is time to reevaluate. As you work on effective time management, we hope that you view it as not just management of work time, but your time as a whole. That you use positive stress to fuel you and avoid negative stress.

Renewing your spirit, prioritizing things that are important to you, and avoiding burnout. As always, I am here to help you in whatever you may need.

Filed Under: Burnout, Leadership, Teams, Wellbeing Tagged With: burnout, stress, stress at work, stress management, time management

What Is Positive Stress In The Workplace?

Imagine yourself at work. You’ve just given a presentation or received an annual performance review. It didn’t go well. In fact, there is so much cortisol pumping through your body that you feel like you can’t breathe. You take a few deep breaths to calm down and remind yourself that you are not your job, that your job does not define you. 

That sense of distress lingers for a few hours, a few days, maybe even a few weeks. But eventually, there’s a chance that you’re going to have a moment in which something clicks. That sense of stress and panic all of the sudden becomes something useful. You decide that instead of being upset at yourself over your performance, you’re going to use that energy to turn a failure into a challenge for future success. 

This is the transition from negative stress to positive stress, and it will become useful in your professional life. So what is positive stress? How does this work? Let’s dig into it. 

First Things First: What Is Stress?

One of the most important aspects of—well, being alive—is maintaining your cool as a world of chaos unfolds around you. Getting cut off in traffic, an accidental coffee spill, a fight with a partner, or subtle disagreement with a coworker—you name it—our daily lives really come down to managing stress. It is our brain’s duty to try to keep our bodies in some semblance of homeostasis in which it can calmly and effectively get you through each and every day. 

When we’re thrown too far out of homeostasis, our performance suffers. We miss details, we have trouble focusing, and our relationships with others can be impeded. The term “stress,” which occurs when we deviate from homeostasis, was added to the medical lexicon and expanded upon by Hans Selye in the mid-late 20th century to two distinctive types of stress: positive and negative. These are also known as “eustress” and “distress.”

Eustress (Positive Stress) vs Distress (Negative Stress)

The easiest way to parse these two types of stress responses are:

  • Eustress = challenge
  • Distress = threat

The difference between a threat and a challenge is that one is bad for the body and the other actually quite good in small amounts. When we face distress for too long—we call this “chronic stress”—that is where our performance suffers. We face low energy, headaches, insomnia, a weakened immune system, and more. 

Eustress, or “positive stress,” on the other hand, actually leads to a stress response that is positive, constructive, and healthy. It typically results in a positive outcome. Positive stress examples include taking charge during a meeting or trying something new at the gym. While we still feel a racing heart and a surge of hormones as we start talking or exercising, by the end of the day the stressor has been mitigated and we come out feeling better—proud of accomplishing a challenge we set out for ourselves.

Positive Stress and Your Team

So up until this point, we’ve focused on the self as it relates to positive stress (“I”) in the workplace and beyond. But what about positive stress for a whole team of people (“We”)? 

We experience eustress when we choose goals and activities that get us excited and hopeful. The key to having an entire team of inspired people is to frame their challenges to be positive and optimistic. 

You’re a leader in your environment and it’s so important to use words of encouragement to show your peers that you are on their team, that you want to see them succeed. When we feel supported by those who surround us, it’s much easier for us to slip into the “challenge” mindset rather than the “threat” mindset that can be brought on by being criticized in a negative way instead of a constructive one. It is your job to guide people toward taking on the challenges of the tasks that cause the most negative stress and turning them into an opportunity. Cultivating an environment that makes people feel safe to try new things and push to succeed is vital to shifting stressors at work from negative to positive.

Once your team (“We”) sees your shift in attitude, their performance will improve, which is where an entire company can see a positive shift. As you focus on projects massive and minuscule, your system as a whole (“It”) will see an evolution that trends toward collaboration, synergy, and progress. One of the most incredible aspects of positive stress and developing that comfortable, encouraging environment is how very contagious it can be to the whole. 

Mindset Matters: Turning Negative Stress to Positive

How we approach stress and the ways in which we shift our framework of thinking can be incorporated into our lives if we give it an honest effort. 

A few ways of practicing that shift include:

  • Considering your resources. When faced with a problem, you have to dig into your arsenal of tools knowing that you can use them to set out on your goal.
  • Looking at the bright side. Failing in your presentation means you have an opportunity for proving to yourself and to your coworkers that you can learn and improve.
  • Don’t forget how amazing you are. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of them whenever you need a mood boost. 
  • Have a “jar half full” mindset. Try not to give the part of your brain that’s telling you the sky is falling any attention. 

This isn’t always realistic, so don’t feel bad if you and your team face a stressor that you can’t just turn into a positive. Those feelings are still valid and important, so do your best to feel them quickly, collectively address them, and move forward. 

When it comes to positive stress in the workplace, be careful—don’t turn your office into a game of creating eustress. Not everything has to be a challenge, and our societal obsession with “the grind” can cloud our thinking when it comes to improvement. There is something to be said for appreciating a comfort zone but getting outside of it when you and your team need to. Think about eustress like the eject button in James Bond’s Aston Martin. Try to maneuver a situation calmly and carefully before you push the exit button and get to grinding. 

Going Forward

Find a moment to sit down, take stock of this advice, and consider how you can use positive stress for yourself (“I”) and your team (“We”) to establish a welcoming, exciting, progressive environment (“It”). And if you need a little backup in getting those ideas to a place where your team can utilize them, I’m here to serve as a gentle push moving you forward.

Filed Under: Burnout, Teams, Wellbeing Tagged With: stress, stress at work, stress management

Work and Stress: How Do They Correlate?

As humans, we spend almost 30% of our lives working, equivalent to about 25-30 years. Add the additional 36 years we spend sleeping, and you’ve got little time for much else. It’s no wonder why work-related stress is prevalent in so many of us. Work and stress correlate. They have no chance not to. Today we want to talk about that correlation as it relates to an individual (“I”), a team (“We”),  and work systems (“It”) to give you a better understanding of work-related stress.

What Is Stress?

You may be thinking, “I don’t need to read about what stress is—I live with it!” but it is essential to dive into the science behind stress because stress isn’t all bad. Stress is an integral part of being alive. It is what tells us, “This situation doesn’t feel right, and I need to leave.” or, “The deadline is tomorrow!? Time to pull a few extra hours.” This fight or flight feeling dates all of the way back to our ancestors when they needed to decide if they should fight an animal or dangerous situation or flee from it.

The problem exists when we can’t get rid of this feeling—when we feel stress in day-to-day situations. Chronic stress can create many issues, from low energy, insomnia, jaw-clenching, aches and pains, difficulty paying attention, poor judgment, forgetfulness, and more. When this stress is being caused by work, it is time to look at the sources and see how we can combat them.

Causes of Stress At Work

According to The American Institute of Stress, the leading causes of work stress are workload (at a whopping 46%), personnel issues (28%), juggling work and personal lives (20%), and the lack of job security (6%).

Some unnecessary stress at work can be thwarted by simply thinking ahead. We outlined how to navigate through a political season on our blog. Thinking through situations like these can help employees feel included and help keep some personnel issues at bay. Helping us thwart stress within the system of the workplace (“It”), which can trickle down.

With that in mind, knowing the workplace stressors that most employees feel on an individual level (“I”) can help you in working with your team to think ahead. Stress about job security sometimes comes down to your employees simply not receiving any feedback on their work. They may be working day-in and day-out to meet goals and deadlines and doing a wonderful job at it. However, if you do not have a feedback protocol in place, you could be missing an easy way to make sure that your team feels heard. A solution for this is to have an open dialogue with your team. Give them clear benchmarks and award good behavior. A simple “Great job.” could be the difference between your team feeling secure at their job—and thus, keeping stress within your “We” (team) at a healthier level.

Your employees also want to feel a level of control over their work outcomes. As leaders, we can sometimes want to see something done our way and only our way. But, an employee is hired to help solve a problem within the workplace. Allow them a level of freedom to get the job done and even provide new solutions to problems that could make your workflow stronger than before (“It”). Allow your employees to make suggestions and be open with you about how their job could be enhanced, and then take the suggestions seriously. You might not always want to take on an employee’s recommendation, but seriously considering what they say will make them feel heard and could save you money in the long run.

The Cost Of Work-Related Stress

For those who think in numbers or wonder how stress impacts our businesses’ bottom line, we wanted to lay out some numbers for you. According to the same article by The American Institute of Stress, job stress is expensive. In the U.S. alone, it is estimated to cost 300 billion dollars annually. Not just from workers’ compensation and less productivity either. Accidents, absentees, employee turnover, less productivity, and medical, legal, and insurance costs are outlined. So, it makes sense not only for our teams that we care so deeply about but also from a business perspective to be proactive about stress reduction and the overall positive work culture.

How To Recover From Work-Related Stress

The good news in all of this is that stress doesn’t have to lead to that 300 billion dollar price tag or for your whole team to feel a level of burnout. You can work proactively to encourage self-care and build a happy and resilient team.

We all can see burnout creeping in. Whether you feel it as a leader (“I”), you start to see your team showing some symptoms (“We”), or you start to see stress cracks in your systems (“It”). This is when it is time to take action. On an individual level, you can give your employees resources to work on their stress-levels. Fitness and mindfulness apps, time for reflection or rest, and healthy foods in the breakroom can help. For each of us, coping with stress may look a little different, but by providing the resources someone might need, you can help them get through the moments we all experience. 

Another thing to help is to think proactively. If there is something big coming up like a deadline, annual sale, a shift in the marketplace, or a shift in your team, it is essential to sit down with your HR professional and think of proactive ways to maintain your healthy workplace. Though we can’t always be proactive, it is best to get ahead of any arising issues than fight them when they are already festering. This can help keep stress within your team (“We”), and within your systems (“It”) at bay.

Wholeness At Work

This all may sound a little daunting, so having a coach or consultant come in to give some outside perspective is one great way to help. Erin has almost 15 years of experience helping leaders and teams work through burnout. Through her passion for the scientific reasons burnout persists and how to combat it, she has also created a self-guided coaching program that you can do with your entire team called Wholeness At Work. This program is meant to help you get straight to the source of your burnout and find lasting ways to the feeling of wholeness.

As you move through your professional career as a leader or an integral team member, you will feel stress. By knowing what it is and its causes, you can equip yourself with the knowledge to make you a stronger and happier colleague for your entire career. So, let’s take a moment to imagine your lasting happiness and success and celebrate it. To your future!

Filed Under: Burnout, Leadership, Teams, Wellbeing Tagged With: i we it, stress, stress at work, stress management

Two Questions To Ask Yourself When Things Don’t Feel OK At Work

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’m supposed to feel refreshed, energetic, and excited… but I don’t. What’s wrong with me?”

(Hint: NOTHING, darling. Nothing.)

In our work lives, this tension tends to show up a few ways:

  • Stressed, curt or otherwise regrettable communication with colleagues
  • Low motivation (followed by intense self-criticism)
  • Active disengagement
  • Chronic burnout

Maybe you are working your tush off for someone else’s goals and vision, with little connection to things you find valuable, rewarding, or inspiring? Or perhaps you are exhausted or feeling down, even when you get enough sleep and exercise?

Whether you’re inside a large corporation or an entrepreneur, here are the two questions I believe we should all be asking ourselves at any transition point:

What am I doing today to connect more deeply with myself?

How do my choices reflect my values, dreams, talents, and passions for growth?

In my life as a working parent of two, I try to find micro-moments of self-connection and care. This can be a simple deep breath, checking in with myself between tasks and calls, or asking what I need most at this moment. It’s often a break, some fresh water, and a short walk outside to clear my head and move my body. Sometimes, I write a little note to myself with a single word, helping ground me in my priority, intention or values I want to focus on that day.

Your boss, if you have one, and your company play essential roles in your engagement and happiness at work. But so do you… and since you can only control yourself, let’s start there.

To your thriving,
Erin

PS. If you’re wondering whether you’re experiencing legitimate burnout and are committed to doing something about it, let’s talk about including the Maslach’s Burnout Inventory as part of your coaching package. Knowing where you are (and how bad it is) is a vital first step to getting on a healthier work and life path.

PPS. If you’re in need of more dedicated mental health support at any time, please reach out for help immediately. Here are some great resources:

  • National Alliance on Mental Health Crisis Line, 1-800-950-NAMI
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK
  • Mental Health Screening Tools

For San Diego locals, I highly recommend my dear friend Cory Stege, M.S., LMFT, CA#49037 at Crown Town Counseling

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Filed Under: Burnout, Wellbeing

The Importance of One+ Communities

When it comes to my coaching, each experience is unique and together we cover all sorts of different themes and topics. However, there is one particular conversation I have with almost all business leaders and it evolves around one specific question.

What makes us who we are and what tells us our lives have value?

So many of us feel plagued with self-doubt and worry, or at the very least, questions that we’re on the “right” path or if we’re devoting our energy to a worthy cause.

I see a lot of folks place their self-worth in the hands of those who don’t appreciate, understand, or know how to hold that tremendous responsibility. Some believe they’re worthy only when they produce results, please their boss/clients/teammates, look good, or make sure their kids thrive in school.

What if I told you that your real value and worth lie somewhere much deeper? Somewhere more sacred, more intrinsic, and something only you ultimately determine?

The people we surround ourselves with day in and day out may have the greatest impact on our beliefs about where our value comes from. Think family, work colleagues, friends, neighbors. If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking my work is my measuring stick. When that happens to be going well, life feels unstoppable. When it’s not, well, you can guess how that goes…

Enter the idea I’ll call the “One+ Community”

I’ve come to believe that we all need at least ONE COMMUNITY in our lives that gives us an empowering space to fully be ourselves, unguarded, real, even messy. These One+ Communities help us discover talents we didn’t know existed, build genuine and deep friendships, and explore new ways that we can make a positive difference for others. They help us get outside of ourselves and live for something bigger.

A few years ago, I was blessed to join such a community with Heart of Leadership. As one of the original Core Team members, I got to learn what it really meant to build a values-based organization. We learned together what it meant to advance a critical social conversation and to create a safe, nurturing space for talented young women and their families to live a healthy and whole life.

This One+ Community still fills me with tremendous pride and fulfillment. Many of those women are deeply important friends in my life. The conversations and possibilities that were sparked years ago live on.

My biggest personal lesson from this One+ Community is this:

The creative, sensitive, heart-based, wisdom-seeking side of myself is okay to show others. In fact, it just may be my greatest contribution. If I never took this leap of faith and said “yes” to this community, I know I’d be living as only half of myself. Afraid, disconnected, burned out, and trying to act like it was all okay.

Friends, if you are so lucky as to have more than one One+ community in your life, that is just incredible. Hence the name, “One+.” If you’re struggling to think of even one, that’s a perfect place to start. In my experience, these special and nourishing communities aren’t just handed to us. We have to seek them out and create them. And, you only need one!

Here are some places to begin looking:

  • Service organizations that are grounded in your core values, require you to commit yourself fully and offer opportunities for real relationship building.
  • Personal development programs that extend over time
    • My favorites: Landmark Education’s Team, Management, and Leadership Program (my first One+ Community); H.E.R. Weekend, Mankind Project, Evryman, local meditation or yoga circles, and/or intentional fitness communities, like OPEX San Diego North.
  • Healthy spiritual or religious communities that help connect you to what you hold sacred, within yourself and in communion with others.
  • Affinity groups that let you dive into a passion, hobby, or something totally and uniquely your kind of fun!

This time of year can remind us how important our connections are, either because we feel nourished by them or we feel longing for more. Wherever you are, my ask of you is this:

If you feel that longing for a One+ Community in your life, take the steps to seek one out. Let yourself be seen. Experiment and keep showing up. If you feel a bit scared and vulnerable, you’re probably doing something right.

I’d love to hear about your One+ Communities and offer any support I can as you create/find them.

Many blessings to you and all the relationships that help you thrive,
Erin

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Filed Under: Wellbeing Tagged With: community, wellbeing

How Psychological Safety Impacts Burnout

Over the years, I’ve spent a significant amount of time working with teams. Some who have come a tremendously long way, and some who are just starting out on the path. No doubt, we all live and work in teams of some sort. And, we all have opinions about them!

Here’s a new distinction I want to share with you: psychological safety on teams and its impact on individual burnout.

You may have seen this remarkable study from Google last year, that exposed the results of their two-year long study on high-performing teams. They discovered that what matters most to high-performing teams is psychological safety – a belief that you are safe to speak your mind, make mistakes, and you won’t be punished. In other words, can we take risks on this team without feeling insecure or embarrassed?

Psychological safety is not the same as trust.

Trust is believing someone has your back, that they’re competent enough to do so, and that their future actions will align with your best interests. Trust is still vital for teams because it lowers the amount of energy you have to spend monitoring your behavior. It’s the ease that comes when you know you’re on the same side, so to speak.

Here’s what’s fascinating about this idea of psychological safety, though:

For teams with low psychological safety, speaking up feels incredibly risky. Often, folks have direct experience getting burned when they do, even if they believe they are doing the right thing. Some are punished or fired for going against the tide, causing a tremendous amount of fear.

Even for those who don’t witness these incidents directly, the stories spread quickly, and soon you’ve got an entire organizational culture of fear, self-protection, and survival.

Working (or living) in an environment of heightened fear activates all kinds of survival responses physiologically. Our fight-or-flight system gets triggered, our brain becomes flooded with stress hormones, and our awareness narrows dramatically. We are no longer able to access much beyond surviving this moment. Our experience, talents, gifts, presence all diminish and can feel very far away.

Prolonged states of fight-or-flight (or chronic power stress) wreak havoc on our bodies, minds, and emotional wellbeing. Enter stage left: leadership burnout.

If you and many of your team members are frighteningly close to burning out (or live in a continued state of high stress), check in with yourself about the environment you’re fostering on the team.

Are individuals safe to speak what’s on their minds without repercussion, or are you inadvertently breeding a culture of fear and stress?

If you’re worried that psychological safety may be at risk for you/your team, try this:

Find an objective, trusted ally who will tell you the truth. Ask them if others are afraid to speak up, share honestly, present bold ideas, even fail around you. Listen with an open mind, even if it’s hard to hear.

If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to self-reflect. Look back on your default behaviors that may send a subtle (or explicit) message that people have to be careful around here. Any recent time of acute pressure or stress? How did you engage with your team then?

Revisit your core values and business strategy. Who are you committed to being as a leader? What kind of team culture does the business depend on for its success?

Last, own it. Open up to your team, be vulnerable about your experience, your values, and your own lack of awareness around psychological safety on the team. Apologize for what they’ve been going through. Ask for forgiveness. Create a shared plan for making the team culture better and live up to your promises.

Leadership burnout is preventable… once we become aware of its source(es). Don’t let yourself, team leader, be one of them.

To your thriving,
Erin

PS. If you are struggling with any of the above and want to chat confidentially, let’s set up a brief call. I’ve seen all stages and levels of health on teams. I don’t judge. I am on your side and believe in transformation. And, I promise I’ll tell you the truth (even when no one else will).

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Filed Under: Burnout, Leadership, Teams, Wellbeing Tagged With: burnout, Psychological Safety

How To Build Resilient Teams In a High Stress World

I hope you have had or will have some time away this summer to grant yourself the gift of renewal. Some mental downtime, emotional nourishment, physical recovery, and spiritual salve.

Not only do we crave it, we deeply need it, as human beings and as leaders.

In this increasingly VUCA world of ours, the complexities and pressures of our interconnected, always-on ways of working are stacking up the stressors on leaders everywhere. This is the reality now and one that will only accelerate.

I grew up with an illusion about what it meant to be “resilient.” As an athlete, being resilient meant being tough under stress, enduring pain, never complaining about it, and charging through.

It meant hiding my needs, especially the subtler emotional and spiritual ones, even when they were screaming in my ear. It meant disconnecting and cutting off – from myself.

So, if it’s not this, then what is resilience really? Resilience is the capacity of an individual (or system) to effectively manage the cycle of performance and recovery.

Catch that? Recovery, or renewal, is essential to our ability to navigate challenges, learn from complexity, and respond to stress wisely. Without renewal, we are automatic triggers walking around on two legs, our stress through the roof and our effect on others pretty icky. Eventually, we implode or explode, burning ourselves or others out.

Luckily, there are many ways to support yourself and your team – ensuring that everyone is handling stress in the healthiest way possible. Here are a few of the ways I personally work with leaders to ensure they have healthy, resilient teams:

  • Individual coaching, assessment, and insight around your patterns of performance and recovery (instruments on: burnout, personality, 360, and heart rate variability)
  • Team training on best practice and candid dialogue about personal/organizational factors affecting resilience; piloting new behaviors together and finding what actually works for you
  • Organizational exploration around those best practices to cascade across the culture, from leadership to the front line

For me, finding a tangible and affordable opportunity to create real resilience for the leaders (and people) I care about is the fulfillment of my values and mission to end suffering at work. So, I hope you’ll join me for this vital exploration into what it really takes to sustain great performance and be resilient in leadership today.

Send me a message and we can start exploring what support structure would be best for you and your team.

To your thriving,

Erin

PS. Research continues to show us all the ways renewal keeps us at our best, especially as leaders. Boyatzis and McKee have made the brilliant link between a leader’s renewal and her ability to consistently demonstrate emotional intelligence (EQ). If you’re looking for a deep dive on why renewal matters to leaders, this is one of my go-to reads.

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Filed Under: Burnout, Teams, Wellbeing Tagged With: coaching, wellness

Three Questions That Will Help You Prevent Burnout

Maybe it’s the dreamy quality of early summer in San Diego that makes this season feel so naturally reflective. Or, we’re so pulled by all the activities, options, and potential paths that we are called to slow down and relax into what’s most meaningful for us. Either way, I’m compelled to do a little navel-gazing this time of year, so let’s dive in together…

You’ve heard me say before that sustaining your leadership performance over the long haul – and fully achieving your potential – requires equal attention to both the context in which you’re leading (external/how) and the content of your work (inner/why).

Burnout prevention and recovery must include this inner and outer alignment. The question is, how do you find it?

One of the things I love most about a personality typing system like the Enneagram is that it helps us quickly identify the inner content of our lives so we can get ourselves unstuck and truly thrive. It highlights elements that we’re often blind to, like our core drives, passions, needs, fears, and automatic patterns or habits.

I’ve learned that even while we might be working inside of a “burnout culture,” it’s often the internal mental and emotional patterns that keep us hooked into ways of working that will exhaust us, regardless of how ideal our job is set up to be.

Let’s take a look. For each of us, we are run by two primary inner patterns or habits: a thought pattern and an emotional pattern. In the language of the Enneagram, the thought habits include the continuous loop of ideas and fixations in our minds, while the emotional habits typically follow those thoughts with persistent reactions or feelings.

For me (as a Type 3), I can unconsciously fixate on thoughts about strategies for success and ways of creating an image of being successful (ugh, I know). This is often immediately followed by an emotional roller coaster of striving and anxiety, fear that others will think I’m a failure, and sadness/shame when I don’t feel I measure up.

You can see how quickly folks like me can spiral into a mode of hyper-pressure, workaholism, constant scanning for acknowledgment, and ultimately, burnout and resentment. Yikes, I’m tired just thinking about it!

The point is not to change these patterns, because often that is simply unavailable to us. Instead, we start by noticing them, trying to understand them, and doing our best to meet ourselves with a dose of compassion.

When we can stop, pause, and look inside ourselves, we’re able to see when our stress is generated from our own thoughts and feelings versus external factors. That awareness can give us new access into positive solutions – moving from being run by our automatic habits of personality to intentionally choosing the thoughts, emotions, and actions that are more sustainable for us.

So, as you lie on your beach towel this summer and sleepily gaze up at the clouds above, ask yourself:

  • What thoughts and emotions tend to loop habitually in my mind and heart?
  • How might these patterns be contributing to my state of burnout/wellbeing?
  • And, what helps me “unhook” from these mental and emotional habits and move into conscious choice?

I would love to hear from you, so please share what you’re learning with our growing community on LinkedIn or Twitter. There are so many of you incredible people committed to working, leading, and giving in sustainable ways. Let yourself be inspired by one another!

Today and all year long, may these reflections serve your leadership path and offer you some new freedom along the way.

To your thriving,

Erin

PS. This is the Type 3 habit, but all personality types have their own unique thought and emotional patterns. Curious about yours? Click here to understand your Enneagram type or reach out to me for some individual guidance on how awareness of your Enneagram can support your growth.

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Filed Under: Burnout, Enneagram, Wellbeing

The Healthiest Way Each Enneagram Type Can Respond to Stress

Stress gets a bad rap these days. However, recent studies have shown that it can actually be a helpful source of performance motivation (if we believe it is). Every business leader, entrepreneur, and all-around badass I know feels some element of stress every single day.

As you take on big goals, feelings of performance pressure and risk increase. Naturally.

The game shouldn’t be about not feeling any stress, but rather about managing the stress we do feel so that it can fuel us. Stress can also inform us about what we care about most, where our boundaries are, and the directions in which we authentically want to go.

From the Enneagram, we can see that there are nine distinct – healthy – ways of responding to stress. Here are some tidbits on each:

Enneagram One’s

There’s often a thought about doing things “right” or “perfect” that sends One’s into hyper-production mode. You may feel ultra-critical of yourself and others. Identify that pesky thought or belief that won’t let up on you. Examine it. See how you can gently let it go. Soften.

Enneagram Two’s

Everyone struggles and their pain is not yours. Reflect on the people and issues that mean the most to you, offer your generosity there, and lovingly step back from the rest. Hold your boundary with respect and grace.

Enneagram Three’s

Notice the insatiable energy to add value, be seen, do something fabulous, and/or prove your worth. Put your hand on your heart. Feel the insatiability of that drive and see if you can find a moment to pump the breaks. To feed your heart. I promise, taking a break and directing some loving kindness towards yourself won’t ruin your momentum. On the contrary.

Enneagram Four’s

Find some time alone to reflect, recharge, acknowledge your deepest feelings, and nurture your creative heart. Being around others in superficial ways can zap you quickly. Honor your needs for deep connection and solitude. Find a trusted friend you can confide in to help you feel emotionally balanced. Also, seek out structures to support you in moving forward on your highest priority tasks.

Enneagram Five’s

Put your feet on the ground. Feel your body in this moment. Observe your inner voice and the fear it generates about not knowing enough and what’s scarce. See if you can find some space between that fear-monger and locate a single focus for exploring and engaging. Practice expressing your genuine feelings.

Enneagram Sixes

Take a slow, deep breath. Anchor yourself in your chair, feet on the ground, back supported. Connect with your inner knowing and intuition. Find the place in yourself you trust. Listen for the wisdom inside you. When the wheels spin, go within.

Enneagram Seven’s

Often, there’s a quick onramp from positive visioning and hyper-spin out. Notice where you are right now. Get back into your body and into the present moment. Quiet the noise and ask the question, “What matters most in this moment right now?” Find relief in focus, even if just for a minute.

Enneagram Eight’s

Step back, even step outside. Find a way of physically getting your energy out that is productive for you and others. Honor your big feelings. Write them down. Now, where can you soften? Put your hands on your gut and heart. What do they tell you about where to move next?

Enneagram Nine’s

Take a moment alone and check in with yourself. Scan your body for tension. What are your instincts telling you about what you need? Find one action you can take that will support you in moving forward and out of “stuckness.” Grab a buddy to help you stay accountable to yourself.

If you don’t know your Enneagram type and want to learn more, let’s chat! There are ample ways I can support you in diving into this relevant, sacred, and valuable personality system.

May the gods of presence and wellbeing be with you, fellow warrior.

You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.

To your thriving,
Erin


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Filed Under: Enneagram, Wellbeing Tagged With: enneagram, enneagram types, stress, stress management

How to Uncover What’s Really Causing Your Burnout

We need to address the elephant in the room. Sometimes, some company cultures and bosses are just BAD. They don’t care about your wellbeing, your happiness, or even your long-term commitment… they want the work done and they wanted it yesterday. All of it. No whining. The End.

Maybe they are cynical, burned out themselves, or so trained to work in unsustainable ways that they don’t realize they are even doing it.

Environments like these can create and reinforce entire systems of burnout. Here, the exhaustion and negativity feeds on itself and is essentially built into the job. You’ve heard some businesses – even industries – described as “churn and burn.” I’m sorry to say it, but more self-care is not the antidote if you work in a place like this.

For others, the corporate culture is amazing – inspiring, energizing, and completely fulfilling. However, in the midst of all this inspiring work, you wake up one day to realize your job responsibilities have taken over your entire life. 70 hours a week is the new norm. Boundaries sound like a fantasy. Social life… what social life? Family… oh yeah, I used to have one of those!

We need to be really honest with ourselves. When we say we’re suffering from burnout, we must realize that some of it is ours to own. And some of it simply isn’t.

Before you can apply the right remedy, you must be clear about the cause of your pain.

Here are some questions to help you get to the source of what you may be feeling right now:

1. What can I own about the way I’m working?

  • What fears might be keeping me stuck in a burnout loop?
  • What choices am I making that aren’t aligned with my values or needs?
  • Have I delegated what I know I can/should to my team?
  • Have I attempted a courageous conversation with my boss about more sustainable ways of fulfilling my role?
  • What can I own about the way I’m working?

2. What might my boss and/or company own about how I’m asked to work?

  • What about my company’s culture calls for a burnout-style approach to work?
  • Am I empowered to challenge this approach or find a more balanced way?
  • Are those in charge open and willing to work with employees/leaders?

Observe your assumptions, own your part, and take an honest look at any structural factors outside of your control that might be keeping your burnout in place. As you step back and look objectively about what’s happening for you/by you/around you, you can now take thoughtful action.

If you’re simply stuck in the cluster and mess of it all, I can help. There is a way out. I’m here to help you find it.

To your thriving,
Erin

PS. If you’re a boss and you have suddenly realized you’re inadvertently creating a ‘burn and churn” workplace for your team, fear not! Congratulations, actually… you are rare and awesome for even being aware. Huge first step. Now, send me a message. Together, we can help you discover more sustainable ways for your team to perform at its peak AND ensure your teammates flourish.

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Filed Under: Burnout, Emotional Intelligence, Wellbeing Tagged With: burnout, company culture, discovery, leadership

How To Find Meaning In Your Work – Even When It Feels Hard

For many of us, especially those in service-based businesses such as healthcare, consulting, fundraising and the like, we thrive on providing value for others. We live to serve and see our work as an opportunity to make a difference. We care deeply. And we give all of ourselves.

Sometimes, though, in the humdrum and trappings of modern work, we can lose sight of how our work connects to something bigger. The pressure of organizational structure weighs heavy, we focus on the non-essential and never-ending to-do’s and get crushed by the scope of it all.

When we lose connection with what gives us meaning, we are infinitely more apt to flame out and throw our hands up in despair.

Especially when we care. Especially when we work our asses off.

And when desperation hits, we become emotionally exhausted, our cynicism peaks, and our job performance declines. Cue the downward burnout cycle.

For some lines of work, like those who practice medicine, considerable research has been done to help address this chronic, systemic problem. For physicians in particular (one of the most demanding jobs in modern society, in my humble opinion), research shows that when they are able to carve out 20% of their role for work they find personally fulfilling, such as a research project that contributes to an issue they feel passionately about, they are significantly less likely to experience the effects of burnout. Even when working 100 plus hours a week and experiencing chronic sleep deprivation, finding work that’s meaningful makes that big of a difference. If meaning matters that much for them, there’s got to be value in it for the rest of us, too.

So, how do you and I go about finding meaning in our jobs? Here’s a start.

1. Step Back

Gain some perspective on how your work fits into the broader whole, how you contribute to something beyond pushing papers and answering emails.

2. Ask Yourself

How does my work make a positive difference for those I work with and those I serve? What’s my impact on my community or society as a whole, even indirectly?

3. Find Patterns

Explore ways in which your positive impact reflects what matters most to you – your values – and demonstrates what your ultimate calling, or purpose, might be.

4. Connect and Share

When we share about what lights our heart up and how we get to experience a piece of that magic in our work, the positive emotion amplifies. We appreciate ourselves more. We see our colleagues in a softer, more graceful light. Our passion and care creates more passion and caring for those around us. Research says so.

Connecting back to our work’s meaning is one practice we must never abandon if we are committed to thriving, not surviving. I encourage you to find some time this week to recall why you do what you do, what meaning it inspires in you, and breathe in fully appreciating that you do matter and your work is valued.

I promise it will be worth it.

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Filed Under: Burnout, Emotional Intelligence, Wellbeing Tagged With: meaning, purpose, self care, wellbeing

The Three Enneagram Types Most Prone To Burnout

Burnout is one of those things that sneaks up on most people. In fact, many people suffering from burnout don’t even realize it’s something they’re battling until it causes noticeably drastic havoc in their life.

For this reason, one of the first steps to resolving issues of burnout includes gaining self-awareness about your personality type. Even if you’re not facing the burnout cliff, this awareness is a vital lever in accelerating any leadership journey.

Using the Enneagram framework, I’ve honed in on three personality types especially vulnerable to the symptoms of burnout: emotional exhaustion, cynicism/withdrawal, and decreased effectiveness. These types include: the Achiever, the Enthusiast, and the Helper.

The Achiever (3)
Perpetually feeling responsible for getting stuff done and adding value to others, these folks are prone to overworking both at work and at home. They neglect their physical well being, maintain a continual state of stress, and have difficulty sticking to their priorities. On top of it all, they tell themselves they must look like they have it all together. Oh, the pressure!

The Enthusiast (7)
These folks revel in all of the future possibilities they want to pursue and they do so with abandon. Focus becomes a challenge, making clear thinking and deliberate action a real stretch. Their path to freedom involves connecting with the needs of the present moment, yet they avoid sitting still in the discomfort of the here and now. At the end of the day, these adventurers can be distracted, mentally tangled, and stretched thin.

The Helper (2)
Ever generous with their time and resources, these kind souls can become so focused on the needs of others that they forget their own (emotional, physical, or otherwise). They embody selflessness, and yet, their breaking points are dramatic. They look to others to fill their cup with appreciation and it often feels not enough, creating both rage and sadness that drain them deeply.

Keep in mind that EVERY personality type struggles to maintain equilibrium in different ways, so you may feel burned out and not identify with a type mentioned here. All of us can experience burnout in our own ways when the circumstances are right.

For this reason, I encourage you to simply notice where you feel stretched. What pulls at you? What voice tells you to do more, be more? How does your inner “gremlin” apply pressure on you, and how do you instinctively respond?

If you’d like to dive deeper, I’d encourage you to take my burnout self assessment. It’s only 15 questions and will provide your unique burnout score, which will help you understand what steps your should currently be taking to either avoid or come back from burnout.

However you assess your current level of burnout, my hope is that you can enjoy any moments of quiet space that find you, take a deep breath in reflection about what matters most, and dance with self-compassion in the chaos of all the rest.

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Filed Under: Burnout, Enneagram, Wellbeing Tagged With: enneagram

2016: The Year of Big Emotions & Big Change

‘Tis the season for reflecting, on the year that’s been and the one that’s to come. 2016 has been a full and thrilling one for me personally (Hello, pregnancy!) and deeply challenging for so many of us all (Goodbye, icon after icon… sad face.).

Here are the biggest areas where I’ve seen business leaders struggle and thrive this year. May you find insight and hope in others’ journeys and take heart. We’re in this together.

  • Life Change – Navigating huge personal transitions and leading big business change.
  • Emotional Management – Managing strong emotions when they are intensely passionate about their vision/organization/project.
  • Team Leadership – Supporting growing teams while honoring personal needs for renewal, growth and sustainability.
  • Personal Well-being –Repair broken relationships with their own well being in a comprehensive, meaningful way. This theme underpinned the rest of these challenges.

Life Change

This year, my clients have recovered from cancer, moved parents into assisted living homes, faced new challenges raising special needs children, moved across the globe, lost spouses, and ended marriages. For each person, it’s taken all they had to withstand the pressures and intensity of these life transformations.

Unfortunately, their organizations demanded an equal, sometimes greater, intensity toward their contributions as leaders. These same individuals led multi-million dollar strategic investments and actively groomed the next generation of high-potential talent. They cared for their teammates and stood strong in the face of leadership vacuums. They managed global teams creating breakthrough innovations that will change the planet. Literally.

And they do this all on the same tank of fuel.

Sadly, these brave folks have been hammered by two storms: the one inside their own bodies/hearts/minds and the one inside their organization. With the exception of a notable few, they didn’t get much sympathy or support. Sometimes, their work colleagues didn’t even know what was going on, other than noticing the extra bags under their eyes and slower-than-normal response times.

My clients struggled to hold it all together – as we all do when we’re battling personal change and business change at the same time. I wonder, is this our new norm?

Emotional Management

Many of these talented leaders also spearheaded some vital and exciting new initiatives for their companies that they care deeply about. When they faced resistance and challenge, their frustration often leaked out in the form of defensiveness, irritation, or edginess, despite their best efforts to hide it under a mask of professional restraint. (These are the same folks dealing with loss, grief, trauma, recovery, and tectonic change.)

One can only hold so many big emotions at any given time. Passion takes up just as much weight as anger. So, what happens when someone pushes us too far? How do leaders hold it all, communicating genuinely and professionally at the same time? Even the best of us need occasional help learning to navigate these strong feelings, especially in the workplace.

Team Leadership:

In 2016, my clients were challenged by the capacity of the team beneath them. In order for the leaders themselves to grow, their teams would have to grow – as individuals and as a collective. Comprehensive team development, coaching, and mentoring, as well as managing personnel transitions can take exorbitant effort and focus.

Notice: does team leadership take up 80% of your headspace or calendar? Should it? Find the right allocation of time and energy for a focus on team growth: this will produce a strategic differential for you. For some of you, that may mean reducing the noise a dysfunctional team is demanding by making some hard decisions or critical investments. For others, that may mean significantly upping your focus on your people – thoughtful investments here provide serious ROI for your leadership down the road.

Personal Well-being:

As you take the next couple of weeks to reflect, take stock, and recharge, here is a framework from my partners at Yoke Consultancy that can support your thinking. To use it, score your level of satisfaction in each well-being category from 1-10. Add up your total score in the center circle.

From here, prioritize the category that you believe will make the biggest difference for you next year – be sure to factor in your personal values, leadership vision, and work/life goals.  Designing your work and life around the principles that matter most to you, the things that sustain and renew you, and the ideals you hold most dear, will set you up for the ultimate win: sustained performance and fulfillment.

When you’re ready to help make sense of it all, I would love to help you find your path (or stay true to it). Happy traveling, sojourners!

Model: © 2016 Yoke Consultancy Limited.

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Teams, Wellbeing

Self-Management 201: Two Questions For Every Leader

Some of you have been at this leadership business a long time. Some of you are just beginning. Some have one toe in and one toe out, skeptical about the promise you hear from executive coaches like me about what self-awareness, humanity, and honesty will give you in an oft harsh and unforgiving business climate.

I get it. I don’t have all of the answers. None of us do. Business is changing more rapidly, in more complex ways, across more diverse cultures, than ever before in human history. Our thought leaders are panting to keep up.

As we plow through the data for trends, best practices, and insights for leaders like you, here is what I can promise.

I promise that I will pass along great, powerful questions—questions that get you to think bigger, feel differently, and produce previously inaccessible results. In my experience, the questions you ask are much more important than the answers you find.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

As I’ve worked with hundreds of business leaders across healthcare, private equity, energy, and technology industries, a pattern has emerged in question asking that I want to share with you. That is, I’ve noticed that there are two fundamental inquiries that benefit every leader, often over and over again:

  1. What do I need?
  2. What am I responsible for?

The first question, “What do I need?” creates space for genuine ways of working with others. It provides the fuel for healthy collaboration. When we’re aware of what we need to feel “whole,” we can appropriately meet our needs and communicate openly with others in a way that builds strong trust. We can show up fully charged and emotionally balanced. (Read: you can save yourself from the inevitable “too emotional, too late” outburst that goes hand in hand with being sacrificial beyond your boundaries.) Consider this question, private and self-compassionate, as critical preventative maintenance. This question alone will enable and sustain your best leadership performance.

And, it allows us to give to others from a genuine place—not because we have to, not because we want to get something in return, but because we are in good enough shape to give to our colleagues/organizations. We can support others from our natural energy source without sacrificing our own wellbeing, depleting stretched resources, or resenting those who didn’t ask it of us in the first place.

Leaders, until you know what your needs are—and how to meet them—you can’t effectively serve your people.

The question “What am I responsible for?” moves us from feeling stuck and defeated to being in charge of our circumstances. When we can own our behavior, mindset, and beliefs that contribute to a difficult situation or conflict, we can take powerful action. We can respond maturely instead of reacting as a victim. This moves us into a solution (and mental freedom, or psychic autonomy) more rapidly, the very thing we’re seeking all along.

Often, asking ourselves what we might be able to take responsibility for—even beyond the obvious—empowers a shift away from blame and into intentional choice. We all want to feel in control of our destiny. This inquiry allows you to claim it.

Needs = A hierarchy of human needs to survive, then thrive, within our environments.

Responsibility = Choosing accountability for all the ways we contribute to our external circumstances, productively and unproductively, intentionally or not.

You’ll often hear me say that self-awareness is just the first step on our path to transformative leading. The next and most misunderstood step to master is self-management. Let these two questions become your mantra and they will carry you far, both in coaching and beyond.

To your greatness…

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Wellbeing

10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Role

All too often I hear executive leaders lament their challenges at work, not just on one or two criteria, but many. They feel afraid that others will find them out, they feel unsuccessful and unsure what to do, and/or they feel completely wiped out – unable to take care of themselves physically, mentally, or emotionally like they know they need. They want to be emotionally intelligent, positive, effective leaders… yet there is a huge wall in their way.

I have been there.

Here’s how it often goes: you start a new role with a company eager, confident, and willing to show how competent and multi-faceted you are. You strive to add value, support the company’s goals, and make a significant impact early on. And you do.

The catch – once people find out you’re a great individual contributor, even a strong people manager or developer of teams, your role expands and your targets become less focused. Your priority list becomes increasingly long (i.e. everything is a priority). Your calendar and mindshare are completely scattered and overextended. Your performance goals may even conflict with one another.

At one point in my career, I was tasked with growing a fledgling team, which required about 80% of my attention to do well and required face time daily with the team. At the same time, I was also expected to continually grow the business, which also required about 80% of my attention to do well and time away from my team.

You may be superman, but I don’t have 160% of me to go around.

This is what they call “performance punishment.” After a few years, my goals and role got so muddied. While I looked successful from the outside, inside I was suffering mightily – exhausted, sick, wracked with a sense of constant failure and self-doubt. One or the other of my critical priorities was always suffering. The cognitive dissonance became too great.

Note: this dilemma can certainly be resolved with clear organizational support. In the absence of that support, you may want to consider a revision of your job scope.

Here are 10 ways to know if “role creep” is happening to you:

  1. On many a morning, you ask yourself, “What the hell am I supposed to be doing exactly?”
  2. You are physically exhausted, sick, and anxious most of the time.
  3. People around you can’t tell the difference between what you do and what your boss does. Who is really accountable for what?
  4. Your personal values frequently clash with what you’re being asked to do, or what you think you need to do your job well.
  5. Your talents, experience and strengths aren’t leveraged or allowed to shine. Instead, you’re measured on things you know aren’t in your “strike zone.”
  6. You have little idea about what “success” actually looks like.
  7. You go home frustrated, defeated, confused or sad often.
  8. Your desire to hide out from your colleagues increases by the day, hoping that no one will notice how lonely/isolated/afraid you’re really feeling.
  9. You fantasize about working at a coffee shop – oh, the simple life!
  10. You are constantly planning your next vacation… anything to help you avoid the struggle you’re in right now.

If you resonated with any of the above, I invite you to spend time reflecting on what is most important to you.

  • What kind of life do you want to experience?
  • What kind of legacy do you want to leave?
  • How do you want to feel while doing your most important work?

Whether a quick clarifying conversation with your boss is needed, or a full-scale reevaluation of your career choices with a coach is on the table, know you are not alone.

Many, many of your colleagues are feeling the exact same way at this very moment.

And, you are worth the investment of time, energy, money to resolve this role mismatch. Your life (and your creative energy) are way too precious.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Filed Under: Leadership, Wellbeing

Renewal: Your Top Leadership Priority

At the incredibly overwhelming pace that we run our lives and businesses, sustaining our best self is both critical and extremely hard. And, here’s what I know – from research and from direct experience – the ability to lead your team well is highly dependent on your ability to renew yourself. In other words, self-care is no longer a nice to have, but a must have.

The link between a leader’s energy, presence, and performance is clear and proven.

Renewal is built on habits of mind, body, and behavior. This skill set is relevant in any field, especially among leaders who face emotionally and physically taxing challenges every day, day after day, year after year.

In Resonant Leadership, authors Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee say, “When leaders sacrifice too much for too long – and reap too little – they can become trapped in what we call the Sacrifice Syndrome. The constant small crises, heavy responsibilities, and perpetual need to influence people can be a heavy burden, so much so that we find ourselves trapped in the Sacrifice Syndrome and slip into internal disquiet, unrest, and distress.”1

This matches closely – too close for comfort – with my own experience of leading and working with leaders across the board. This is really hard work. Not only do you want to be great at the “what” of what you do (providing the best patient care, legal counsel, operational growth, etc.), you also give of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually to a vision or group of people that really matters to you.

Yet even though the demands on your time are great, self-care and renewal are unfortunately not optional: they are a key responsibility of all leaders to ensure against burn out. Not only that, a leader’s ability to continually renew his/her energy, mindset, and emotional equilibrium play a critical factor in the work environment s/he creates for others.

To be clear, we are either contributing to a positive, healthy, and thriving team culture, or we are feeding a dissonant, disengaged, unhealthy one.

An organization’s culture – “the way things get done around here,” or the values, norms and behaviors an organization prizes –  is highly correlated to a leader’s ability to renew and sustain him/herself, especially in times of stress (i.e., always!).

If we’re in Sacrifice Syndrome for too long, the results are not only harmful for our own health and well being, but also for our teams. As we go into an extended Sacrifice Syndrome and a crisis occurs, we no longer have the reserves to operate from our healthiest, most emotionally intelligent state of mind. We can become ineffective or unsustainable quickly. Our cognitive and decision making abilities diminish, our creative capacity to see all solutions shrinks, our collaboration and influence skills suffer. In essence, fight or flight mode becomes real and there is little we can do about it. This is also known as the “amygdala hijack”2 – it takes us clear out.

However, if we’re aware of and working to build in renewal all the time, through mindfulness, compassion, hope, and gratitude, we can generate the resonant relationships that help us lead at our best and build the positive cultures around us we all deeply want.

 

Renewal for Self = Positive Culture for your Team/Organization

This isn’t about work-life balance. Instead, it’s about all those big and small choices you make to keep your energy up, like resting when you need to rest, considering the conversations that “feed” your spirit and those that drain you, reducing the amount of “doing” and spending more time “being.” It’s about becoming ever more aware of all those small moments and choices that restore you, then doing them. The path to renewal will be personal to you. Please honor it.

If renewal became part of your job, what would you do differently?

What would an escape out of Sacrifice Syndrome make possible for your life, your team, your organization?

Quick: how can you replenish yourself right now?

 

 

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

  1. Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. Resonant Leadership. Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing. 2005
  2. Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books. 1995

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Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Wellbeing

What Happens When The Disengaged Employee Is You?

Business minds have been talking a lot about “engagement” in the workplace lately. I’m sure each one of has brushed up against disengagement in one way of another. This is how Forbes wraps up Gallup’s latest survey findings:

Fewer than 1 in 3 (30%) of American workers are committed to the success of their organization and are engaged in their work. Over half (52%) are “disengaged”—defined as “less emotionally connected” and not willing to do any more than necessary to keep their job. Most alarming of all, nearly 1 in 5 workers are “actively disengaged”—actually against their organization, their boss or both.1

Yikes. As a business and community leader myself, this statistic is depressing. It tells me that we have a lot of work to do to activate the potential of those we work with and serve every day. A LOT of work.

It also strikes a chord. Deep in my gut, I know what it feels like to be on the other end of this data—the one in the room that is daydreaming of working anywhere but here, the one whose passions can never seem to be contained inside of a single job description. My business ebbs and flows with the seasons like all consulting firms do: sometimes I get antsy. When it’s slow, I get bored, feel underutilized, guilty for not working my tail off, and fall into a predictable funk. I want to contribute as much as I can, to do good work, like most people do. Yet, it is a rare scenario that every single day of our working lives will be purpose-filled and electrifying. Dammit.

So, when the disengaged person in the room is YOU, what do you do?

Here’s my way out:

  1.    Self-Reflect: For me, self-reflecting takes the form of journaling. When I sit down at my desk in the morning and realize I’ve got a huge “boulder” clogging my mind, I take a few minutes to write it all out, literally clearing the boulder out of my way. Sounds like a waste of precious time, but those 15 minutes are probably the most effective way to getting my head on straight and show up fully.

Self-reflection allows your struggle to express itself, even when your inclination is to struggle against it. Give it a voice on paper. Validate your experience and your needs. I promise that bringing light to what ails you will lessen its pressure considerably. Sometimes, we just need to be heard. Even if only by ourselves.

  1.    Connect with Your Gurus: My inner circle freaking rocks. When I notice my energy is apathetic or even angry at work, post-writing session, I immediately reach out to my most trusted personal friends and teachers. They may not know it, but I call them my “personal board of directors.” These women and men are people with whom I can fully express myself and know I’m safe. I can show them my ugly and they’ll still love me (a miracle, I know!). They my best interests at heart. They see my bigness, my heart, and my potential. Of course, they are much wiser than me.

Find your people who can give you the same room to learn. They will be your battery source. If you don’t have anyone now, that’s perfectly okay. Start looking for people you admire and trust, then cultivate a relationship. The best ones are mutually supportive. And they don’t happen by accident. Build your tribe.

  1.    Let Yourself Be Known:  Put yourself out there. Whether you will ride the wave within your current company or set your sites somewhere else, reaching out to new people brings fresh air into any situation. At one particularly stale point in my career, I decided to get involved in my community through volunteering. I’m now part of three incredible organizations that allow me to fulfill a need to contribute, while also putting me in front of a ton of strangers. These strangers, surprisingly, network for me! It’s incredibly energizing, and both my firm and I are reaping the rewards.

It all started because I put myself out there. I found something I was interested in, asked if I could help, and—surprise—I have a huge new community network that is satisfying my work and personal goals in unexpected ways. So, go surprise yourself. If there’s a nagging voice in your head to volunteer at a dog shelter, go do it! I dare you!

  1.    Take Care: When we’re unhappy at work, it can be a red flag that we’re not taking care of ourselves. For me, I get my tush into yoga class multiple times a week. (You should thank me for that; I’m much less crazy when I do). I will take some deep breaths in the morning before I get out of bed, rather than obsess over my iPhone first thing. I take long walks on my lunch break. Because when it comes down to it, I know that my number one job is taking care of ME: what else is possible if I’m in poor working condition? Nothing. When I’m in good shape, so is my work.

This doesn’t mean you need to go on a radical health kick. Just restore some balance in your life. What gives you energy and joy and peace? Do more of that. If baking cookies makes you giggle like a child, please, go bake! Find your happy. You matter. Your work (and your team) needs you to be well taken care of. And it’s not their job to do it—it’s yours.

If you’re disengaged at work, your LIFE is calling. Start listening to that quiet hum inside of you. Nurture it.

Resources:

  1.     Warrell, Margie. (2013). “70% Disengagement” – 3 Ways To Engage Those Who Aren’t. Forbes. Retrieved from:http://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2013/06/07/70-disengagement-3-ways-to-engage-those-who-arent/

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Wellbeing

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