Leadership

How Can Time Management Help You To Manage Stress At Work?

Remember college? You would get an assignment for a 3,000-word paper due in two weeks, and, without fail, you would say to yourself, “I am going to start TODAY.” But, ‘today’ would happen, and something more exciting would come up. A week would roll by, and pretty soon, you are sitting with a paper deadline in 24 hours thinking, “I should have scheduled my time better.” Many of us still experience this in one way or another throughout our careers, and that is where time management can come in handy.

What Is Time Management?

We are all well aware of the common thoughts on time management. Whether you work on time blocking your schedule to accomplish all that you can in the day or abide by the time management matrix, all of us have learned the tips and tricks to be productive. What few resources fail to mention, though, is that there are deeper drives to time management as a whole.

The scheduling of our day occurs at the behavioral or external level, which is important but certainly not the root of why you can’t seem to get tasks done. There are deeper drives at play. Beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and values motivate our behavior—as they should. So, how do you align your actions and structures with your thoughts, core values, and deep commitments?

1 | Focus On What Is Important

Your schedule should not just be a reflection of tasks that drop a dime into your bank account every few minutes. Instead, it should reflect what is important to you. There is a popular process creatd by Stephen Covey that puts tasks and commitments into 4 quadrants of time management: Urgent + Important, Not Urgent + Important, Urgent + Not Important, Not Urgent + Not Important. This works well, but it is not all that you need to have successful and holistic time management values. Instead, this can be step 1 of 6 needed for wholeness in time management. We would urge you as you work through this, though, to not just only think through your workday, think through personal tasks as well, and allow your schedule to reflect you as a whole person.

2 | Prioritize Your Day

Now that you have your most important (and least important) duties laid out in front of you, it is time to prioritize. This is separate from the quadrants because something could be urgent + important, and easily delegated. You know the saying, “You have the same amount of hours in a day as [insert accomplished person’s name].” And it is true. But that sentiment doesn’t cover the fact that whoever you thought of would more than likely delegate one or many tasks a day. Everything from getting ready in the morning, picking out clothes, accounting, and the like can be delegated for some of the world’s most successful people. While we all don’t have that privilege, we can consider what is a priority for ourselves: jumping on a client call, going to your toddler’s baseball game, launching that new project you’ve been working on for months, etc., and then move down the list from there.

3 | Align Your Core Values

We could write a whole book on values, but we don’t want to get too deep into that here. Values aren’t just something you have painted onto your office wall and think of passively. They should ease their way into the fiber of everything you do. Just as your personality comes to light in every one of your interactions, your values should be clear even in time management. As you think through how your time is being used up each day, ask yourself it is aligning with the values you hold true? If the answer is no, it might be time to drop the task or delegate to someone who would find alignment.

4 | Keep Your Overall Vision In Mind

In this context, vision is synonymous with goals. But, vision encapsulates not just the endpoint where you can check off a box and say “done,” but how do your tasks feed into your overall vision for you.

Imagine you are just starting your business, and your vision is to someday expand your one-person accounting firm to an office full of accountants, investors, and financial representatives. Something like a marketing task might not align with the image you have for yourself, but without being able to delegate in this phase, it is good—if not helpful—to think of your overall vision. “If I work hard on marketing now, some day I can fulfill the dream of owning a full-service financial firm.”

Aligning tasks with your vision is an excellent way to restructure your feelings about some things that simply have to get done but don’t necessarily feed your fire.

5 | Leave Time For Renewal

Often overlooked in time management is renewal. For those of us who were or are athletes, we know how essential rest is to ultimate performance. Working out every single day may seem like it would set you on the fast-track to ultimate strength and agility, but, on the contrary, your muscles are actually building and repairing on your rest days. So, the rest is where your power comes from.

Similarly, when you schedule a time for rest and renewal in your workday, you will be a stronger executive or team member when you return. There are science-backed ways to rest at the beginning, middle, and end of your day. The thing is, you must be intentional about it. Scheduling out a 20-minute walk when you typically experience your mid-day slump or being intentional about your sleep will not only make you feel better, it will also ensure that the time you spend on tasks is meant with the vibrancy and energy you so wonderfully have within you.

6 | Practice Essentialism

All of these steps may feel like an arduous task in itself, but they are leading us to a fundamental process: essentialism. What is essential today in your life? By going through these five previous steps, you are more equipped to say “no” when an un-essential task raises its hand and “yes” when something essential comes up by aligning your day with your values, vision, etc—which is one of the main benefits of time management in this form.

Yeses and nos start to become more comfortable. Think about how good it would feel to be able to confidently say, “No, I do not want to take on this project because it does not align with my overall vision.” It can happen with practice. What you do not do in a day is just as important as what you do. If you are putting more effort into the things that don’t get you any results in your work and personal life than the things that do, it is time to reevaluate. As you work on effective time management, we hope that you view it as not just management of work time, but your time as a whole. That you use positive stress to fuel you and avoid negative stress.

Renewing your spirit, prioritizing things that are important to you, and avoiding burnout. As always, I am here to help you in whatever you may need.

Work and Stress: How Do They Correlate?

As humans, we spend almost 30% of our lives working, equivalent to about 25-30 years. Add the additional 36 years we spend sleeping, and you’ve got little time for much else. It’s no wonder why work-related stress is prevalent in so many of us. Work and stress correlate. They have no chance not to. Today we want to talk about that correlation as it relates to an individual (“I”), a team (“We”), and work systems (“It”) to give you a better understanding of work-related stress.

What Is Stress?

You may be thinking, “I don’t need to read about what stress is—I live with it!” but it is essential to dive into the science behind stress because stress isn’t all bad. Stress is an integral part of being alive. It is what tells us, “This situation doesn’t feel right, and I need to leave.” or, “The deadline is tomorrow!? Time to pull a few extra hours.” This fight or flight feeling dates all of the way back to our ancestors when they needed to decide if they should fight an animal or dangerous situation or flee from it.

The problem exists when we can’t get rid of this feeling—when we feel stress in day-to-day situations. Chronic stress can create many issues, from low energy, insomnia, jaw-clenching, aches and pains, difficulty paying attention, poor judgment, forgetfulness, and more. When this stress is being caused by work, it is time to look at the sources and see how we can combat them.

Causes of Stress At Work

According to The American Institute of Stress, the leading causes of work stress are workload (at a whopping 46%), personnel issues (28%), juggling work and personal lives (20%), and the lack of job security (6%).

Some unnecessary stress at work can be thwarted by simply thinking ahead. We outlined how to navigate through a political season on our blog. Thinking through situations like these can help employees feel included and help keep some personnel issues at bay. Helping us thwart stress within the system of the workplace (“It”), which can trickle down.

With that in mind, knowing the workplace stressors that most employees feel on an individual level (“I”) can help you in working with your team to think ahead. Stress about job security sometimes comes down to your employees simply not receiving any feedback on their work. They may be working day-in and day-out to meet goals and deadlines and doing a wonderful job at it. However, if you do not have a feedback protocol in place, you could be missing an easy way to make sure that your team feels heard. A solution for this is to have an open dialogue with your team. Give them clear benchmarks and award good behavior. A simple “Great job.” could be the difference between your team feeling secure at their job—and thus, keeping stress within your “We” (team) at a healthier level.

Your employees also want to feel a level of control over their work outcomes. As leaders, we can sometimes want to see something done our way and only our way. But, an employee is hired to help solve a problem within the workplace. Allow them a level of freedom to get the job done and even provide new solutions to problems that could make your workflow stronger than before (“It”). Allow your employees to make suggestions and be open with you about how their job could be enhanced, and then take the suggestions seriously. You might not always want to take on an employee’s recommendation, but seriously considering what they say will make them feel heard and could save you money in the long run.

The Cost Of Work-Related Stress

For those who think in numbers or wonder how stress impacts our businesses’ bottom line, we wanted to lay out some numbers for you. According to the same article by The American Institute of Stress, job stress is expensive. In the U.S. alone, it is estimated to cost 300 billion dollars annually. Not just from workers’ compensation and less productivity either. Accidents, absentees, employee turnover, less productivity, and medical, legal, and insurance costs are outlined. So, it makes sense not only for our teams that we care so deeply about but also from a business perspective to be proactive about stress reduction and the overall positive work culture.

How To Recover From Work-Related Stress

The good news in all of this is that stress doesn’t have to lead to that 300 billion dollar price tag or for your whole team to feel a level of burnout. You can work proactively to encourage self-care and build a happy and resilient team.

We all can see burnout creeping in. Whether you feel it as a leader (“I”), you start to see your team showing some symptoms (“We”), or you start to see stress cracks in your systems (“It”). This is when it is time to take action. On an individual level, you can give your employees resources to work on their stress-levels. Fitness and mindfulness apps, time for reflection or rest, and healthy foods in the breakroom can help. For each of us, coping with stress may look a little different, but by providing the resources someone might need, you can help them get through the moments we all experience.

Another thing to help is to think proactively. If there is something big coming up like a deadline, annual sale, a shift in the marketplace, or a shift in your team, it is essential to sit down with your HR professional and think of proactive ways to maintain your healthy workplace. Though we can’t always be proactive, it is best to get ahead of any arising issues than fight them when they are already festering. This can help keep stress within your team (“We”), and within your systems (“It”) at bay.

Wholeness At Work

This all may sound a little daunting, so having a coach or consultant come in to give some outside perspective is one great way to help. Erin has almost 15 years of experience helping leaders and teams work through burnout. Through her passion for the scientific reasons burnout persists and how to combat it, she has also created a self-guided coaching program that you can do with your entire team called Wholeness At Work. This program is meant to help you get straight to the source of your burnout and find lasting ways to the feeling of wholeness.

As you move through your professional career as a leader or an integral team member, you will feel stress. By knowing what it is and its causes, you can equip yourself with the knowledge to make you a stronger and happier colleague for your entire career. So, let’s take a moment to imagine your lasting happiness and success and celebrate it. To your future!

Politics In The Workplace: How to Navigate This Voting Season

Going into an election year can be difficult for leaders and teams with varying opinions and strong personal belief-systems. But, there are ways to navigate the voting season successfully with your team. Many leaders do not know how to talk politics at work in a respectful and safe way, but it can be done. Here are some tips for how to navigate your workspace this voting season and beyond.

Have A Plan

In research by Illinois Technology Association, their team found that out of their members, 31% were unsure whether or not they should talk about the upcoming election, and 79% said they had no policy at all for talking about politics at work. With much of our lives spent with the people we work with, it is unrealistic to think that there will be absolutely no political talk in the workplace, especially during such tumultuous election cycles. The thing you need to have prepared as a leader is a plan with your HR department or your team to handle such discussions. How can you support healthy and respectful conversations of politics in the workplace and also show respect for those who may be uncomfortable with the conversations all together? It is a big task, but your team can come prepared for each election season.

Give Your Team Time To Vote

Election day is challenging for much of the nation. Not only are emotions boiling over from a heavy campaign, but some people are also afraid that if they take time off to vote, they will lose money on their paycheck. That’s why creating some peace-of-mind for your employees by giving them time to vote is an incredible perk. In 2016, only 60% of our eligible voters even cast ballots. It makes sense, though. Many people struggle to make ends meet, using their entire paychecks to put their kids through school and keep their lights on—this makes it incredibly hard to find a few minutes in the day to drop off a ballot or wait in a long line. Companies like Bark and Chosen Foods have joined the Time To Vote Movement, a non-partisan campaign that ensures employees a schedule that will allow them to cast their ballot and have a say in the upcoming election. Giving yourself and your employees the chance to have their voices heard is one way to make lasting change in our Nation.

Allow For Political Diversity

When the word diversity comes up, we often think of ethnic, gender, or cultural differences, which are all incredibly important. However, we tend to forget to be mindful of diversity of thoughts and beliefs. The truth is, humans are drawn to other people who think like them. In business, this can be detrimental because it means that we tend to interact only with people who think like us, have similar experiences or backgrounds, and we miss out on new perspectives that a diverse group of people bring to the table. We can’t support or empathize with others, let alone lead effectively, if we don’t understand and appreciate their unique points of view. So, as you hire, consider all forms that diversity might support your organization’s success. Work hard to foster a business culture that encourages respectful dialogue, understanding over judgment, and dignity for all. Most of all, focus on the shared values you hold as a team and use those values to ground, stabilize, and align your team on what’s most important. This is how we will evolve as a society and create healthy change.

Be Prepared For Any Outcome

The day after the election, when votes are still being counted and there is some tension in the air, it is essential to be prepared. We know at this point that tensions will be high. This election feels very personal. No matter your political affiliation, your employee’s mental health and well-being should be a top priority. The leadership and HR preparedness we spoke about above will need to be in overdrive post-election. Keeping your workplace respectful, fun, and maintaining the company culture you’ve worked so hard to achieve can be done with careful planning and candid, safe discussions with your team.

“My dear friends: Your vote is precious, almost sacred. It is the most powerful nonviolent tool we have to create a more perfect union.”
— Former Rep. John Lewis (1940-2020)

A trustworthy, respectful, and healthy workplace marked by diverse views, even political ones, is a sure recipe to make real, impactful change in our world. If you need help navigating this election season, please reach out.

How Psychological Safety Impacts Burnout

Over the years, I’ve spent a significant amount of time working with teams. Some who have come a tremendously long way, and some who are just starting out on the path. No doubt, we all live and work in teams of some sort. And, we all have opinions about them!

Here’s a new distinction I want to share with you: psychological safety on teams and its impact on individual burnout.

You may have seen this remarkable study from Google last year, that exposed the results of their two-year long study on high-performing teams. They discovered that what matters most to high-performing teams is psychological safety – a belief that you are safe to speak your mind, make mistakes, and you won’t be punished. In other words, can we take risks on this team without feeling insecure or embarrassed?

Psychological safety is not the same as trust.

Trust is believing someone has your back, that they’re competent enough to do so, and that their future actions will align with your best interests. Trust is still vital for teams because it lowers the amount of energy you have to spend monitoring your behavior. It’s the ease that comes when you know you’re on the same side, so to speak.

Here’s what’s fascinating about this idea of psychological safety, though:

For teams with low psychological safety, speaking up feels incredibly risky. Often, folks have direct experience getting burned when they do, even if they believe they are doing the right thing. Some are punished or fired for going against the tide, causing a tremendous amount of fear.

Even for those who don’t witness these incidents directly, the stories spread quickly, and soon you’ve got an entire organizational culture of fear, self-protection, and survival.

Working (or living) in an environment of heightened fear activates all kinds of survival responses physiologically. Our fight-or-flight system gets triggered, our brain becomes flooded with stress hormones, and our awareness narrows dramatically. We are no longer able to access much beyond surviving this moment. Our experience, talents, gifts, presence all diminish and can feel very far away.

Prolonged states of fight-or-flight (or chronic power stress) wreak havoc on our bodies, minds, and emotional wellbeing. Enter stage left: leadership burnout.

If you and many of your team members are frighteningly close to burning out (or live in a continued state of high stress), check in with yourself about the environment you’re fostering on the team.

Are individuals safe to speak what’s on their minds without repercussion, or are you inadvertently breeding a culture of fear and stress?

If you’re worried that psychological safety may be at risk for you/your team, try this:

Find an objective, trusted ally who will tell you the truth. Ask them if others are afraid to speak up, share honestly, present bold ideas, even fail around you. Listen with an open mind, even if it’s hard to hear.

If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to self-reflect. Look back on your default behaviors that may send a subtle (or explicit) message that people have to be careful around here. Any recent time of acute pressure or stress? How did you engage with your team then?

Revisit your core values and business strategy. Who are you committed to being as a leader? What kind of team culture does the business depend on for its success?

Last, own it. Open up to your team, be vulnerable about your experience, your values, and your own lack of awareness around psychological safety on the team. Apologize for what they’ve been going through. Ask for forgiveness. Create a shared plan for making the team culture better and live up to your promises.

Leadership burnout is preventable… once we become aware of its source(es). Don’t let yourself, team leader, be one of them.

To your thriving,
Erin

PS. If you are struggling with any of the above and want to chat confidentially, let’s set up a brief call. I’ve seen all stages and levels of health on teams. I don’t judge. I am on your side and believe in transformation. And, I promise I’ll tell you the truth (even when no one else will).

Love what you just read? Every month, I send out a newsletter filled with helpful tips, mindful musings, and community updates.
Scroll down to join the 700+ leaders who have it delivered straight to their inbox.

6 Questions Every Executive Needs to Ask Themself

Have you ever felt that gnawing in your gut begging for more from your work, or heard a voice inside gently (or loudly) nudging you to explore what you’re really capable of?

You may be 35 and wondering how to powerfully shape your career or 65 and eager to leave a legacy in the final leg of your leadership journey.

When you hear the calling to explore, the instinct to move beyond “what is” into “what might be”, you’re at a ripe time for reflecting on how to accelerate your leadership impact meaningfully and mindfully.

The executives I coach are at all stages and ages, and ALL of them must answer these questions to achieve real, deep growth:

Who am I at my best, most aware and awake self? Who am I when I’m unconscious, under stress, and in survival mode?
Who do I really want to be, as a human being and as a leader? How is this different from who I think others want me to be, or who the critic inside my head tells me I “should” be?
What do I value most? How do these values translate into genuine ways of behaving, speaking, and engaging with others?
What are my big learning opportunities now? What gaps will make the biggest difference for me and those I lead when I build those capabilities?
What structures (plans, teams, practices, partners, and tools) will best support me in achieving my vision and purpose?
How will I know when I’m there? What metrics matter most and will let me know I’m on track?

As my former, esteemed professor of Appreciative Inquiry, David Cooperrider, eloquently shared:

We live in the world our questions create.

So, dear friends, may your questions be powerful ones and may your inquiry lead you to new levels of freedom and fulfillment in your work/life.

To your thriving,
Erin

PS. My mission has so clearly and powerfully emerged as ending suffering at work. If you or someone you care about would benefit from executive coaching support (me or otherwise), please message me. I’ve got a strong community of resources and you don’t have to go it alone.

2016: The Year of Big Emotions & Big Change

‘Tis the season for reflecting, on the year that’s been and the one that’s to come. 2016 has been a full and thrilling one for me personally (Hello, pregnancy!) and deeply challenging for so many of us all (Goodbye, icon after icon… sad face.).

Here are the biggest areas where I’ve seen business leaders struggle and thrive this year. May you find insight and hope in others’ journeys and take heart. We’re in this together.

Life Change – Navigating huge personal transitions and leading big business change.
Emotional Management – Managing strong emotions when they are intensely passionate about their vision/organization/project.
Team Leadership – Supporting growing teams while honoring personal needs for renewal, growth and sustainability.
Personal Well-being –Repair broken relationships with their own well being in a comprehensive, meaningful way. This theme underpinned the rest of these challenges.

Life Change

This year, my clients have recovered from cancer, moved parents into assisted living homes, faced new challenges raising special needs children, moved across the globe, lost spouses, and ended marriages. For each person, it’s taken all they had to withstand the pressures and intensity of these life transformations.

Unfortunately, their organizations demanded an equal, sometimes greater, intensity toward their contributions as leaders. These same individuals led multi-million dollar strategic investments and actively groomed the next generation of high-potential talent. They cared for their teammates and stood strong in the face of leadership vacuums. They managed global teams creating breakthrough innovations that will change the planet. Literally.

And they do this all on the same tank of fuel.

Sadly, these brave folks have been hammered by two storms: the one inside their own bodies/hearts/minds and the one inside their organization. With the exception of a notable few, they didn’t get much sympathy or support. Sometimes, their work colleagues didn’t even know what was going on, other than noticing the extra bags under their eyes and slower-than-normal response times.

My clients struggled to hold it all together – as we all do when we’re battling personal change and business change at the same time. I wonder, is this our new norm?

Emotional Management

Many of these talented leaders also spearheaded some vital and exciting new initiatives for their companies that they care deeply about. When they faced resistance and challenge, their frustration often leaked out in the form of defensiveness, irritation, or edginess, despite their best efforts to hide it under a mask of professional restraint. (These are the same folks dealing with loss, grief, trauma, recovery, and tectonic change.)

One can only hold so many big emotions at any given time. Passion takes up just as much weight as anger. So, what happens when someone pushes us too far? How do leaders hold it all, communicating genuinely and professionally at the same time? Even the best of us need occasional help learning to navigate these strong feelings, especially in the workplace.

Team Leadership:

In 2016, my clients were challenged by the capacity of the team beneath them. In order for the leaders themselves to grow, their teams would have to grow – as individuals and as a collective. Comprehensive team development, coaching, and mentoring, as well as managing personnel transitions can take exorbitant effort and focus.

Notice: does team leadership take up 80% of your headspace or calendar? Should it? Find the right allocation of time and energy for a focus on team growth: this will produce a strategic differential for you. For some of you, that may mean reducing the noise a dysfunctional team is demanding by making some hard decisions or critical investments. For others, that may mean significantly upping your focus on your people – thoughtful investments here provide serious ROI for your leadership down the road.

Personal Well-being:

As you take the next couple of weeks to reflect, take stock, and recharge, here is a framework from my partners at Yoke Consultancy that can support your thinking. To use it, score your level of satisfaction in each well-being category from 1-10. Add up your total score in the center circle.

From here, prioritize the category that you believe will make the biggest difference for you next year – be sure to factor in your personal values, leadership vision, and work/life goals. Designing your work and life around the principles that matter most to you, the things that sustain and renew you, and the ideals you hold most dear, will set you up for the ultimate win: sustained performance and fulfillment.

When you’re ready to help make sense of it all, I would love to help you find your path (or stay true to it). Happy traveling, sojourners!

Enneagram: A Practical Path to Wisdom

“I don’t know if I can ever trust him again,” Lisa tells me during an extended coaching session recently, speaking about her tenuous relationship with her supervisor. “He yells and demands we hit our targets at any cost, even at the risk of losing relationships. I just don’t feel safe, like he won’t have my back anymore. That is really scary.”

Lisa, a regional operations leader for a public organization, began our coaching engagement with one goal: to learn what makes her guarded, defensive, and closed off at work. Most especially, she wanted to understand (and change) the negative impact this was having on the relationship with her military-trained C-level boss.

She also knew she had issues trusting her colleagues in the workplace and she saw how much it was holding her back. She missed out on close relationships, she wasn’t getting the results she wanted because others couldn’t connect or collaborate with her. She didn’t know what to do and she was stuck in her own fear.

How many of us can relate?

But, this begged the questions: Where did Lisa’s fear come from? And, why did her fear, which felt so personal and deep-seated, show up so prominently at work?

In executive coaching, we shy away from diving into an individual’s personal or childhood traumas, as this work should be explored with a clinical psychologist or therapist*. However, it is imperative that coaches skillfully address the unconscious patterns, beliefs, and contexts that shape a leader and drive his/her behavior – especially when it seems out of place or inappropriate to circumstance.

In my own growth and maturation process, I’ve spent thousands of dollars, decades, and abundant sweat and tears navigating experiential learning programs and various tools to help me understand myself. A handful of these experiences very seriously changed my life. Yet, as each layer of the onion peeled away, there I was –with the same underlying anxieties, hopes, needs, and fears. I couldn’t shake myself.

What I really needed was one, comprehensive system for making sense of all that was going on under the surface, and subsequently showing up in my behavior at work.

Enter the Enneagram… the queen of all personality systems.

The Enneagram is a robust personality typing system that traces back to ancient times, yet was scientifically validated in the early 2000s as a reliable personality indicator. The word enneagram comes from the Greek words ennea (“nine”) and gram (“something written or drawn”) and refers to the nine points on the Enneagram symbol. The nine different Enneagram types, identified as numbers One through Nine, reflect distinct habits of thinking, feeling, and behaving, with each type connected to a unique path of development. Each of us has only one place, or number, on the Enneagram. (I am a Type 3, with a 2 Wing, in case you’re curious.)

Out of all the tools, the leadership development experiences, or team development exercises I’ve ever seen, [envoke_twitter_link]the Enneagram continues to provide the most meaningful, holistic, and long-lasting wisdom for every business leader I work with.[/envoke_twitter_link]

Let’s revisit Lisa. In our coaching work together, Lisa discovered that her personality type, Enneagram Type Six, is anchored in loyalty: Sixes have a core need for security and a core fear of being unable to survive without support. This creates emotional and thought patterns devoted to seeking certainty and security, often through ultra responsible activities and worst-case scenario planning.

As Lisa discovered how these patterns of needs and fears played out in her work relationships, she realized two things: (1) it was safe and okay to look her fear in the eyes and examine where it was productive/unproductive, and (2) maybe her colleagues weren’t out to get her after all.

While our Enneagram type (or hardwiring) never leaves us, as we grow more aware of how deeply it directs our lives, we begin to experience some freedom from its grips. We get to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances instead of our instinctual reactions choosing for us.

In Lisa’s case, she began to feel more comfortable reaching out for genuine connections, building trust with her peers, and most importantly, having courageous conversations with her boss to feel empowered and aligned in her leadership role. She even invited him over to her home for a family dinner and they spent time getting to know one another – as parents, friends, siblings, children of aging parents. She told me later she gained tremendous appreciation for him based on this experience, specifically his approach to parenting and prioritizing his family.

This shit works.

I know because after reconnecting with various clients over the years, they tell me they are still using the Enneagram to develop themselves, or with their spouses to improve their marriages, or with their teams to build healthy team cultures.

In my own experience, the Enneagram has left me with this:

Immense compassion for myself and others (versus judgment)
Connection with anyone on the planet (underneath it all, we’re vastly diverse and yet remarkably the same)
Energy and vitality where there was once stagnation

Today, I use the Enneagram with every leader I coach and every team I develop. I’ve built organizational cultures using the language and insights from this system. If you know the Enneagram would benefit you, your team, or your business (like I do), let’s have a conversation to explore how.

*Also, a great therapist or teacher is a must for anyone looking to “wake up,” in my humble opinion. Not even the best of us made it out of childhood unscathed (sorry). For personal recommendations on therapists, please email me: erin@erinrocchio.com.

Self-Management 201: Two Questions For Every Leader

Some of you have been at this leadership business a long time. Some of you are just beginning. Some have one toe in and one toe out, skeptical about the promise you hear from executive coaches like me about what self-awareness, humanity, and honesty will give you in an oft harsh and unforgiving business climate.

I get it. I don’t have all of the answers. None of us do. Business is changing more rapidly, in more complex ways, across more diverse cultures, than ever before in human history. Our thought leaders are panting to keep up.

As we plow through the data for trends, best practices, and insights for leaders like you, here is what I can promise.

I promise that I will pass along great, powerful questions—questions that get you to think bigger, feel differently, and produce previously inaccessible results. In my experience, the questions you ask are much more important than the answers you find.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

As I’ve worked with hundreds of business leaders across healthcare, private equity, energy, and technology industries, a pattern has emerged in question asking that I want to share with you. That is, I’ve noticed that there are two fundamental inquiries that benefit every leader, often over and over again:

What do I need?
What am I responsible for?

The first question, “What do I need?” creates space for genuine ways of working with others. It provides the fuel for healthy collaboration. When we’re aware of what we need to feel “whole,” we can appropriately meet our needs and communicate openly with others in a way that builds strong trust. We can show up fully charged and emotionally balanced. (Read: you can save yourself from the inevitable “too emotional, too late” outburst that goes hand in hand with being sacrificial beyond your boundaries.) Consider this question, private and self-compassionate, as critical preventative maintenance. This question alone will enable and sustain your best leadership performance.

And, it allows us to give to others from a genuine place—not because we have to, not because we want to get something in return, but because we are in good enough shape to give to our colleagues/organizations. We can support others from our natural energy source without sacrificing our own wellbeing, depleting stretched resources, or resenting those who didn’t ask it of us in the first place.

Leaders, until you know what your needs are—and how to meet them—you can’t effectively serve your people.

The question “What am I responsible for?” moves us from feeling stuck and defeated to being in charge of our circumstances. When we can own our behavior, mindset, and beliefs that contribute to a difficult situation or conflict, we can take powerful action. We can respond maturely instead of reacting as a victim. This moves us into a solution (and mental freedom, or psychic autonomy) more rapidly, the very thing we’re seeking all along.

Often, asking ourselves what we might be able to take responsibility for—even beyond the obvious—empowers a shift away from blame and into intentional choice. We all want to feel in control of our destiny. This inquiry allows you to claim it.

Needs = A hierarchy of human needs to survive, then thrive, within our environments.

Responsibility = Choosing accountability for all the ways we contribute to our external circumstances, productively and unproductively, intentionally or not.

You’ll often hear me say that self-awareness is just the first step on our path to transformative leading. The next and most misunderstood step to master is self-management. Let these two questions become your mantra and they will carry you far, both in coaching and beyond.

To your greatness…

Power and Women and Work

There is this thing. The majority of the women I coach say this thing is a problem. Yet we’d all rather not talk about it. I even have clients who have become engrossed in legal battles centered on it. It can be devastatingly painful and can interfere with our work: it’s real and important. And, like any societal ill, we are made better when we address it.

The “it” or thing I’m referring to here is the aftermath of an excruciating loss or fracture of relationship with another woman in the context of work we love.

Here’s my story: I joined my firm when it was quite small. One of the early employees was a woman my age and for whom I was a peer. I worked hard to win her over. She didn’t like me at first, given I was the boss’s kid and all. I proved how trustworthy I was, how collaborative, how fair. I made concessions to make her feel good. I proved my niceness. And it worked for a while.

We became close friends. Yet there was always an underlying competition. Slow exclusions, distancing, confusion, unspoken and spoken upset. The more time passed, the worse the comparisons became. God, it was hard.

There was always a subtle (or not so subtle) sense of imbalance. The foundation of the relationship was a power struggle, a dynamic that dictated I had to vigilantly put myself down around her or actively lift her esteem up. On work projects, she began disagreeing with my suggestions out of impulse, struggling to reorient the power. I grew distant. Neither of us understood what was happening. And I’m positive I messed up a million times. I did the best I could and I know I failed her.

I have since learned a theory called “Power Dead Even,” by Drs. Pat Heim and Susan Murphy, as outlined in their book, In The Company Of Women. It explains the entire rise and fall of this fated friendship.

Essentially, the theory argues that every female relationship is contingent on the perceived power of each woman – if the power is not felt to be even (or made even) right away, your best friend can become your worst saboteur. [envoke_twitter_link]Female relationships only work when the power is perceived to be dead even.[/envoke_twitter_link]

In rare cases, the perceived power gap can be too large, where no amount of “evening out” is possible and the relationship will not work. This hinges on the second component of the theory – self-esteem. The self-esteem of each woman has to be reasonably healthy for these partnerships to have a chance.

Recently, I coached a first-time executive navigating a highly sensitive, personal, and power-driven relationship in her organization. My client’s good friend brought her into the company and initially they worked wonderfully well together as peer colleagues. Then, my client was promoted to be the other woman’s boss. (Gasp.) Immediately, the other woman felt threatened, angry, and upset. In this case, there was a legitimate tipping of the power scales based on level of authority. What’s more, each woman was working through her own issues related to self-esteem (as we all are, right?).

Given this dynamic, one that included a legitimate power gap, the ideal choice would have been for my client and her friend to adjust to the complexities of this new reality by:

seeking to understand how they could maintain a healthy relationship, at the office and at home;
building self-awareness, reflection, and empathy for the other;
communicating openly about their emotions, hopes and intentions; and
creating new norms for their relationship in both contexts.

In boss/subordinate relationships at work, managing Power Dead Even can be tricky given the very real power differential. I have found that those require additional attention, as you seek to build the relationship (trust) and performance expectations (clarity). Communication and transparency here are everything, as are numerous other skills I’ll save for a future blog.

Another colleague of mine is brilliant at navigating female relationships at work. Her secret? Appreciation and honor. She is constantly attentive to showing respect and appreciation for other women – visibly and explicitly – so that they know she is on their side, and she means it. In other words, she actively gives power away (or empowers others) in service of a longer-term vision, based on her core value of partnership.

When we look through the frame of Power Dead Even, we become conscious of those we align with and how we set up female relationships for success, especially in the workplace. It tells us we must come in with a “power offering” of sorts – a compliment, a smile, a vulnerability – so that other women know we are not a threat, and that we’re putting connectedness above competition.

When we’re no longer a threat, we can create the most fulfilling, expansive experiences. But we have to be mindful of ourselves, aware of how others perceive us, and intentional about how we engage with others to put the relationship above the task. This is really difficult to get right, but we can certainly commit to trying.

Coach Questions:

To understand this dynamic in your female relationships, recall when you last felt really secure and happy with a friend or work colleague.

What made the relationship so fantastic for you?

Now, what was that one relationship that still tears at your heart? (C’mon, we all have one.)

What happened?
Does Power Dead Even illuminate anything for you about what could have been at play?

Next, think about the female relationships at home and at work that really matter to you – the ones who matter to your success, but with whom you may not have cracked the code.

What can you do now to even out the power dynamic so that the relationship goes more smoothly?
What can you do to improve your own self-esteem or sense of empowerment?
What tokens of power can you “give away” to her so as to even out the scale?

Psychic Autonomy

Psychic autonomy: to cut the mental cords that bind you so as to free up your capacity for new experiences, new relationships, and new insights;
the freedom to know yourself anew.

When I’m slowly watering my tomato plants in the early mornings, existential questions swirl around in the dewy periphery. I swear my vegetable garden knows the secrets of the universe. Lately, I’ve been asking it questions about freedom.

What does it mean to be free?

Free your mind of something?

Free to go toward something?

The greatest freedom, my tomatoes and I agree, is freedom within oneself. A type of freedom that takes place inside you, that breaks mental and energetic ties to some outside force that may otherwise dominate or constrict your life or work. [envoke_twitter_link]This is psychic autonomy: making room for your genuine, creative self to thrive.[/envoke_twitter_link]

Take Mark, for example, a leader I worked with many years ago. As the General Counsel for a growing healthcare technology firm, he was known for playing it safe. He performed fine in his role, but he wasn’t inspiring followership. Instead, his dispassion emanated through the organization with an overall malaise. He personified “meh.”

Deep inside, Mark was gripped by fear of his boss, the CEO. In budget season especially, his boss grew highly controlling, sending intense emails at all hours of the night, and generally creating an environment akin to a pressure cooker. Everyone, not just Mark, was terrified to fail or lose favor with the CEO. People complied, but they were not committed. And they were certainly not engaged or excited about going to work everyday.

Mark’s (and everyone else’s) best performance was tamped down by rampant control, demands, fear, and judgment. The organization lost (or diminished) way too much of its people’s potential. It, and they, could have been so much more. This is that outside dominant force.

“Conceptual creativity requires psychic freedom.” – John G. Young

In my own work life, I have felt that stranglehold of fear, compliance, and obligation. I know what it’s like to be disempowered, both self-inflicted and organization-inflicted. Being trapped or tamped down sucks your energy, passion and vitality right down the drain—the syllabus for Misery 101.

In an environment where we feel obligated or fearful, we drastically limit our creativity, our curiosity, and our impact. The organizations we are a part of lose out on our true talents. We become robotic and unnatural, stifled and generic.

Leader or not, I want your best self to shine. I want you to be free to share your creative genius. I want you to guide yourself and others with honesty, heart, and inspiration.

To do so, you must have mental freedom—psychic autonomy—to fail and know that it will be okay. You must have the mental space to let your mind wander and dream up wild possibilities without fear of retribution. You must know that your organization genuinely supports your wellbeing and self-expression. You have to feel that you don’t have to hide.

During the Holocaust, one of the very worst circumstances in recent history, Victor Frankl discovered that despite the literal horrors surrounding him, he was in control of his inner state. Only he could grant himself mental clarity, peace with his circumstances, and balanced emotions. That would remain in his charge. Psychic autonomy then, as Frankl so bravely and brilliantly reminds us, is an inside job. Each of us, regardless of how stifling our environment may be, has that choice.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

– Victor Frankl

Here’s your opportunity:

Grant yourself some space. Notice where you are not feeling free, where obligation, duty, or fear reign. Ask yourself, “Where would a healthy dose of psychic autonomy enrich my life and my work?”
Grant people around you some space. Ask them what level of psychic autonomy they need to engage with you authentically. Give up the idea of controlling them and gain true commitment from your teammates. The more you let go of your attachments (to them/to an outcome), the more freedom you give others to find their own solutions, likely better ones, in service of your shared goals.
If you’re a business leader and feel stuck, disempowered, and a little hopeless in the quest for freedom, please reach out. Call me. Now is the perfect time to engage in executive coaching and find a powerful way out/forward. I promise to have your back, to support you in finding your own psychic autonomy in the area of your work-life that is most important to you.

When we have a sufficient level of mental capacity, we have the room to show up as our biggest, best selves. For you leaders out there, this is not just a fluffy idea, but rather a must-have for high-performance. Human potential is a gorgeous thing. Now let’s get out of our own way.

The Ladder: How We Get (Un)Stuck

A tool that I have found very powerful in helping unlock some of my client’s thinking, especially when they feel stuck in a negative mindset, is called the Ladder of Inference. It is a model created by Chris Argyris out of Harvard Business School and it maps out our thought process from inception to action.

Here’s how it works:

Each one of us starts with data, all the information that could possibly exist.
From there, each brain filters out of necessity to function. There’s just too much information to digest. Our individual filters may be based on family, culture, values, etc.
Then, we add meaning: I like this/don’t, this is good/bad, he’s right/wrong, this is safe/unsafe, etc.
Next, we add assumptions about why that meaning is as such. We leap from data to inference about the intent behind someone’s actions, for example.
We quickly form conclusions about things always/never being that way.
We then develop fixed beliefs about people, events, places, ourselves, life, etc. that this is how things are.
Finally, we act based on those beliefs, which are at the top of the ladder, not from the actual data, which is at the bottom.

Most of the time, our travel “up the ladder” happens in the blink of an eye, unconsciously, and out of self-protection. [envoke_twitter_link]In order to have thriving personal and work relationships, we must be aware of – then take responsibility for – our path up the ladder of inference![/envoke_twitter_link]

Here’s an example:

Data: In first week of work, I was on conference call with a new teammate. She went straight into the business topic at hand.
Meaning: She doesn’t like me. She would have asked about how I’m doing, feeling, etc., if she did. Oh no!
Assumptions: I must be doing something wrong. She must be unfriendly.
Conclusions: I should avoid this colleague whenever possible. Never tackle a project with her because that clearly won’t work. We just won’t get along.
Beliefs: She is not a nice person in general. How could anyone like her?
Actions: I create distance, avoid sharing personal information, am closed off. I probably came across as a jerk!
TRUTH: She was stressed about missing a client deadline and wanted to do a really good job representing our team. It had nothing to do with me at all! And to think, I made all that up (went up the ladder) in the blink of an eye.

If you’d like to try this out for a minute, think of a recent time when you felt anxious, upset or ticked off. Write out your path:

What happened objectively, with no judgement?
What did you make that mean?
What assumptions did you attach to that meaning (or intention did you assign)?
What beliefs were confirmed or created?
Then, how did you act as a result of that?

Please share something you’ve learned about your thought patterns in the comments. I love learning from you, too!

The Art of Inquiry

Social constructionists will tell you that our words create our world. If our world is simply a function of our stories about it, then how we think and speak about our experiences holds the key to our ability to empower ourselves and influence others. Many leaders mistakenly assume that knowing the answers is their source of power. Quite the opposite.

Knowing the right questions to ask – then asking them – is the most powerful action a leader can take.

Framing up powerful questions, or what we’ll call the art of inquiry, that engage those around us in new ways of thinking often provides far more leverage for a leader than inserting their view as “the truth.”

Leaders are storytellers, crafting the vision of what can be, who we are and where we’ve been. They create the frame for the house we’re trying to build. The best leaders communicate brilliantly, yet often through asking more than telling. They dig deep to understand how organizations, markets, and systems work. They invite important stakeholders to share their stories on the “what” and the “why” that contribute to where we are. Through simple, yet poignant inquiry, leaders move us toward what’s possible. They also help us understand ourselves in profound ways, together and as individuals.

I believe that the portal from “what is” into “what might be” is inquiry, which opens into truthful dialogue. Dialogue is a deeper form of communication. It opens up what is most meaningful to us. It’s real talk about what really matters. This is a conversation of appreciation, deep listening, and candid sharing.

Dialogue enables us to speak about the stuff that counts: the meaning behind our lives and our actions. Leadership performance is not complete without anchoring it to an underlying sense of meaning. And inquiry takes us there.

So how does a leader begin to master inquiry? Great question. Look – you’re already doing it! [envoke_twitter_link]Inquiry begins with calling into question our assumptions and beliefs about why things are the way they are.[/envoke_twitter_link] This includes our own sense of self. Continually calling into question my motives, my needs, my stories connects me to the broader truth that my view is just one of many valid perspectives. Starting with myself also causes me to acknowledge how I have contributed, and still contribute, to the world outside myself. This acknowledgement is extremely powerful and will change your world.

When you develop a practice of inquiry into self, you can engage others with integrity about their unique stories. What do they see, feel, and believe about our collective experience? What is remarkable about the way things are, and what would make it even better?

Imagine what that level of curiosity and dialogue would do for your leadership, your team, your business. What would be possible?

I want to engage in that inquiry with you…[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”40px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Strategic Alignment: Decoded

Did you know that you don’t have to be friends with (or even like) your team members to create a high-performing team? I certainly didn’t. Through my work with executive team clients at FMG Leading, I have learned what makes – and doesn’t – a healthy, effective leadership team, one that produces a great company culture and great financial results.

My biggest lesson:

Executive teams have to be both clear and aligned on who you are, where you’re going, and how you’re going to win for your organization to thrive.

This is strategic alignment – the extent to which all leaders share a consistent perspective about, and commitment to the organization’s stated mission and vision, its goals, and its strategies for achieving success.₁

In search of a perfect strategy, I often see executive teams stall, fail to choose a direction, and resent each other in the process. Or, they will feign alignment for the sake of avoiding difficult conversations (and choices). I call this “spinning out,” and it is what you’d expect: messy, frustrating, and disengaging.

Luckily, there is another way to build strategy and team simultaneously.

First, focus. Developing a focused strategic plan that enables you to win in your market is critical. [envoke_twitter_link]Quick tip: if your strategy doesn’t cause you to say “no” to something (even something you love doing), it’s not clear enough.[/envoke_twitter_link] Lack of focus will kill your company’s ability to scale, especially in the early days.

A major trap my clients fall into is the desire to do all the things, all right now. Or, the leaders are siloed, only interested in their own success metrics. When asked what the strategic priorities are, the COO says, “Profit margin!” the CFO says “EBITDA!” and the Sales leader says, “New client acquisition!” Or, their strategic priority list covers 10-20 items, with three sub-bullets each.

Really, they’re ALL priorities??

When I ask them if they think they are aligned as an executive team, they tell me, “Yes, of course.” Ha!

A great example of brilliant focus is the premium motorcycle company, Harley Davidson. In 2009, they successfully navigated the global recession and an aging customer base by adopting a single differentiation strategy. ONE. As of their 2014 Annual Review, Harley topped $6B in revenues for the first time since 2006, with a net income jump of 15% year over year. For Harley, their disciplined approach to strategic focus not only worked, it fueled transformative performance in a very challenging economic environment.

You can believe Harley’s executive team struggled to stay true to their focus over the years that followed their declaration in 2009. It’s not easy but it’s worth it, as they proved.

Second, discover your brilliance. Once you have focus, then you’ll need to know your distinctive capabilities. Learn where you have inherent talents and collective genius. Many executive teams I work with fail to recognize the unique strengths of individuals, their team, and certainly the business as a whole. In pursuit of bright and shiny new targets, they can lose sight of what made them great in the first place (and what makes them great now). Knowing your organization’s unique capabilities is key to leveraging the areas in which you’re already winning, then building from there.

Third, collect enough of the right data. This involves both internal and external evaluation mechanisms that let you know how you’re delivering on your strategy, such as net promoter scores, product quality measures, industry analyses, and even measures of employee engagement and leadership performance.

How will you select the right data? Someone (anyone!) needs to have fresh market intelligence that makes its way to the top and throughout the minds of all key decision makers. Constantly scanning your environment for trends, gaps, and risks enables you to quickly match/align your current offerings (or new ones), as well as talent and structures, with those smart opportunities.

You need both lines of sight (internal pulse checks and market intelligence) for a strategy to win. Specifically, all members of the executive team need access to those inputs and mature dialogue skills to ensure you are on the same page about what the future looks like. That’s another place I’ve seen leadership teams fall down. One or a handful of executives see the big picture, while others are caught in the details of day-to-day fire fighting – and they can’t connect all the dots.

A strategy that keeps the wheels on the tracks is good, but it won’t have you thrive unless all data points are shared and understood by all members of the leadership team.

Fourth, everyone needs a clearly defined role. If you can’t answer the question, “How are you working to grow the business in support of our strategy?” your role is not clear enough. If someone on your team can’t answer that question, it is not because they are incompetent or a poor fit. More likely, you’ve neglected to help them clarify precisely the scope of their role. At some point, it is not about personality or smarts or commitment. Structures like clear role definitions really, really matter.

Finally, all of your organization’s leaders (beyond the executive team) need to know what success means EXACTLY. Specific metrics – and only a handful so they’re memorable – will enable you to meet all of your goals, not come in half-effective across the board.

Promise less; clarify more. Do less; achieve more. And, focus, focus, focus.

If you know your executive team is misaligned about what’s most critical to your business…

If you think your leaders are aligned on a strategy but are compliant, not committed…

If you are afraid to admit that you don’t actually know what your strategy is besides to “stay alive”…

Let my team help. We’ve seen it, we’ve lived it, and we know it. Let us help you get clear on where you are, where you want/need to go, and how you’ll get there (by when and with whom). You’ll sleep better at night, I promise.

If you aren’t clear how your Executive Team stacks up, here is The Checklist for Strategic Alignment₁:

We have a formal strategic plan that enables us to “win.”
The executive team is aligned with and committed to the strategy.
All leaders understand the organization’s strategy and their role in executing it.
All leaders understand their most critical priorities.
Organizational goals, initiatives, budgets, and operating plans are aligned with the strategy.
We have the right metrics in place to measure performance in relation to our strategy.

Resources:

FMG Leading, Human Capital Index.

10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Role

All too often I hear executive leaders lament their challenges at work, not just on one or two criteria, but many. They feel afraid that others will find them out, they feel unsuccessful and unsure what to do, and/or they feel completely wiped out – unable to take care of themselves physically, mentally, or emotionally like they know they need. They want to be emotionally intelligent, positive, effective leaders… yet there is a huge wall in their way.

I have been there.

Here’s how it often goes: you start a new role with a company eager, confident, and willing to show how competent and multi-faceted you are. You strive to add value, support the company’s goals, and make a significant impact early on. And you do.

The catch – once people find out you’re a great individual contributor, even a strong people manager or developer of teams, your role expands and your targets become less focused. Your priority list becomes increasingly long (i.e. everything is a priority). Your calendar and mindshare are completely scattered and overextended. Your performance goals may even conflict with one another.

At one point in my career, I was tasked with growing a fledgling team, which required about 80% of my attention to do well and required face time daily with the team. At the same time, I was also expected to continually grow the business, which also required about 80% of my attention to do well and time away from my team.

You may be superman, but I don’t have 160% of me to go around.

This is what they call “performance punishment.” After a few years, my goals and role got so muddied. While I looked successful from the outside, inside I was suffering mightily – exhausted, sick, wracked with a sense of constant failure and self-doubt. One or the other of my critical priorities was always suffering. The cognitive dissonance became too great.

Note: this dilemma can certainly be resolved with clear organizational support. In the absence of that support, you may want to consider a revision of your job scope.

Here are 10 ways to know if “role creep” is happening to you:

On many a morning, you ask yourself, “What the hell am I supposed to be doing exactly?”
You are physically exhausted, sick, and anxious most of the time.
People around you can’t tell the difference between what you do and what your boss does. Who is really accountable for what?
Your personal values frequently clash with what you’re being asked to do, or what you think you need to do your job well.
Your talents, experience and strengths aren’t leveraged or allowed to shine. Instead, you’re measured on things you know aren’t in your “strike zone.”
You have little idea about what “success” actually looks like.
You go home frustrated, defeated, confused or sad often.
Your desire to hide out from your colleagues increases by the day, hoping that no one will notice how lonely/isolated/afraid you’re really feeling.
You fantasize about working at a coffee shop – oh, the simple life!
You are constantly planning your next vacation… anything to help you avoid the struggle you’re in right now.

If you resonated with any of the above, I invite you to spend time reflecting on what is most important to you.

What kind of life do you want to experience?
What kind of legacy do you want to leave?
How do you want to feel while doing your most important work?

Whether a quick clarifying conversation with your boss is needed, or a full-scale reevaluation of your career choices with a coach is on the table, know you are not alone.

Many, many of your colleagues are feeling the exact same way at this very moment.

And, you are worth the investment of time, energy, money to resolve this role mismatch. Your life (and your creative energy) are way too precious.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

EQ: A Cheat Sheet

Emotional intelligence (or EQ) is the ability of an individual to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.

It is made up of four dimensions:

Self-Awareness (emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, self-confidence)
Self-Management (emotional self-control, transparency, adaptability, optimism, achievement, initiative)
Social Awareness (empathy, organizational awareness, service)
Relationship Management (inspirational leadership, influence, developing others, conflict management, collaboration)

Most leaders I’ve worked with are on the self-awareness bandwagon (good news for executive coaches everywhere!). Yet nearly everyone struggles with managing their emotions, particularly as strong feelings abound in high stress, high growth environments. I can relate – when you care deeply about your mission, invest your full energy and time towards seeing something through (often sacrificing sleep, fun or family), and you’re met with resistance, business can feel quite personal.

Please note: EQ does not equal suppression. Rather, it means you’re skilled at controlling intense emotions in the moment, expressing them in healthy ways.

Here’s an example of the the EQ struggle that I see a lot:

A client of mine was known for his high self-awareness and ability to build strong, collaborative relationships. However, he was also known to get visibly frustrated when meetings didn’t go his way or members of the team gave him difficult feedback. He would tense up, yell or shut down entirely at the drop of a hat. He would often apologize and clarify his commitments shortly after such an incident (self-aware), but he had a lot of room to grow in learning to manage himself. He hadn’t yet found the sweet spot between transparency and self-control so critical to high-EQ leadership.

It has been proven, over and over again, that emotional intelligence is not innate. These are all learned abilities, and each has a unique role to play in helping you – the leader – create a positive culture for your team and be more effective in what you already do. Since the ‘90’s research continues to prove that EQ more important than IQ towards overall performance and success. So, let’s get good at it!

When you look at the four domains of EQ, ponder this:

What do you consider a natural strength?
What is a capability you’d like to develop further?

More to come on each of the dimensions and nuances of EQ soon. It’s a deep ocean and we’re just getting our toes wet!

Renewal: Your Top Leadership Priority

At the incredibly overwhelming pace that we run our lives and businesses, sustaining our best self is both critical and extremely hard. And, here’s what I know – from research and from direct experience – the ability to lead your team well is highly dependent on your ability to renew yourself. In other words, self-care is no longer a nice to have, but a must have.

The link between a leader’s energy, presence, and performance is clear and proven.

Renewal is built on habits of mind, body, and behavior. This skill set is relevant in any field, especially among leaders who face emotionally and physically taxing challenges every day, day after day, year after year.

In Resonant Leadership, authors Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee say, “When leaders sacrifice too much for too long – and reap too little – they can become trapped in what we call the Sacrifice Syndrome. The constant small crises, heavy responsibilities, and perpetual need to influence people can be a heavy burden, so much so that we find ourselves trapped in the Sacrifice Syndrome and slip into internal disquiet, unrest, and distress.”¹

This matches closely – too close for comfort – with my own experience of leading and working with leaders across the board. This is really hard work. Not only do you want to be great at the “what” of what you do (providing the best patient care, legal counsel, operational growth, etc.), you also give of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually to a vision or group of people that really matters to you.

Yet even though the demands on your time are great, self-care and renewal are unfortunately not optional: they are a key responsibility of all leaders to ensure against burn out. Not only that, a leader’s ability to continually renew his/her energy, mindset, and emotional equilibrium play a critical factor in the work environment s/he creates for others.

To be clear, we are either contributing to a positive, healthy, and thriving team culture, or we are feeding a dissonant, disengaged, unhealthy one.

An organization’s culture – “the way things get done around here,” or the values, norms and behaviors an organization prizes – is highly correlated to a leader’s ability to renew and sustain him/herself, especially in times of stress (i.e., always!).

If we’re in Sacrifice Syndrome for too long, the results are not only harmful for our own health and well being, but also for our teams. As we go into an extended Sacrifice Syndrome and a crisis occurs, we no longer have the reserves to operate from our healthiest, most emotionally intelligent state of mind. We can become ineffective or unsustainable quickly. Our cognitive and decision making abilities diminish, our creative capacity to see all solutions shrinks, our collaboration and influence skills suffer. In essence, fight or flight mode becomes real and there is little we can do about it. This is also known as the “amygdala hijack”² – it takes us clear out.

However, if we’re aware of and working to build in renewal all the time, through mindfulness, compassion, hope, and gratitude, we can generate the resonant relationships that help us lead at our best and build the positive cultures around us we all deeply want.

Renewal for Self = Positive Culture for your Team/Organization

This isn’t about work-life balance. Instead, it’s about all those big and small choices you make to keep your energy up, like resting when you need to rest, considering the conversations that “feed” your spirit and those that drain you, reducing the amount of “doing” and spending more time “being.” It’s about becoming ever more aware of all those small moments and choices that restore you, then doing them. The path to renewal will be personal to you. Please honor it.

If renewal became part of your job, what would you do differently?

What would an escape out of Sacrifice Syndrome make possible for your life, your team, your organization?

Quick: how can you replenish yourself right now?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. Resonant Leadership. Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing. 2005
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books. 1995

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

How Much You Lead (Without Even Knowing It)

[vc_row row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” header_style=”” anchor=”” in_content_menu=”” content_menu_title=”” icon_pack=”font_awesome” content_menu_fa_icon=”” content_menu_fe_icon=”arrow_back” oblique_section=”no” oblique_section_top_and_bottom=”both” oblique_section_position=”from_left_to_right” text_align=”left” video=”” video_overlay=”” video_overlay_image=”” video_webm=”” video_mp4=”” video_ogv=”” video_image=”” background_image=”” pattern_background=”” section_height=”” parallax_speed=”” background_color=”” border_color=”” side_padding=”” padding_top=”” padding_bottom=”” color=”” hover_color=”” more_button_label=”” less_button_label=”” button_position=”” css_animation=”” transition_delay=””][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_empty_space height=”25px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][vc_single_image image=”389″ alignment=”center” border_color=”grey” img_link_large=”” img_link_target=”_self” img_size=”full”][vc_empty_space height=”40px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I’d like to tell you a story about a client of mine, who at first wasn’t clear that the world “leader” applied to him. He had a team of people at work who called him “boss,” sure, but that was all part of being a manager. More than what kind of leader he was, he thought more about controlling what people did and didn’t do, making sure they weren’t getting into too much trouble, and generally staying out of their way. Let’s call him Kevin.

Kevin was also the father of two young boys, and he and his wife had just uprooted their family to take this new position within a reputable healthcare company in the Midwest. What everyone saw when they looked at Kevin was all polish and friendliness – he wore polo shirts and matching socks and a big smile on his face wherever he went. You never heard a complaint out of him.

What people didn’t realize, which he uncovered through 1:1 coaching we did together, was that Kevin was wracked by anxiety and self-doubt. His persistent stories, ones he told himself on loop, were I can’t be a bother to anyone and I have to keep my boss happy at all costs, or else. How that played out was Kevin working very long days at the office, even weekends, often missing out on precious time with his young family while they were growing and settling into their new environment.

When his employees wouldn’t meet expectations, instead of having candid conversations with them about their performance so they could improve, he would brush it off in public and then lose himself in the wee hours of the night fixing their mistakes so his boss wouldn’t find out (or else).

When he felt his peer wasn’t demonstrating the organization’s value of teamwork, he internalized it and created fictions that it was something he had done, some inadequacy on his part, so he needed to work harder and be better. (None of which was true.)

Can’t we all relate?

What Kevin came to realize through coaching was that he had a unique perspective to share and that it was not only his job, but a great opportunity, to influence and lead his organization in a productive manner. This is in contrast to his practice of taking on other people’s dysfunction as his own. As his leadership voice clarified, Kevin’s anxiety diminished and his positive contributions to his team expanded. As he practiced various ways to communicate in those moments of challenge or upset or unmet expectations, he flourished and so did those around him. While his organization promoted him and acknowledged his tremendous growth as a leader over those 12 months, his personal highlight of that journey will always stay with me.

He told me, in a handwritten card some months later, that going through this process of discovering who he was as a leader and who he wanted to be not only helped improve his experience and results at work, it also made him a better husband and father. And, really, isn’t that the most important part?

Kevin is just like me and you. We all can easily forget how much we matter, how much we lead without realizing it, in those obvious moments and in between ones. Acknowledging our role, understanding more clearly who we are, and defining how we want to lead others is the work. And it is work so worth doing.

Some questions for you:

Where do you play small at work? Where could your voice make things better for people?

What stories are on loop in your head that diminish your sense of value? What would be possible if maybe, just maybe, those stories weren’t telling you the truth?

What do you need to feel safe enough to step out, to add your voice, to own your leadership?

[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”50px” image_repeat=”no-repeat”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

What Happens When The Disengaged Employee Is You?

Business minds have been talking a lot about “engagement” in the workplace lately. I’m sure each one of has brushed up against disengagement in one way of another. This is how Forbes wraps up Gallup’s latest survey findings:

Fewer than 1 in 3 (30%) of American workers are committed to the success of their organization and are engaged in their work. Over half (52%) are “disengaged”—defined as “less emotionally connected” and not willing to do any more than necessary to keep their job. Most alarming of all, nearly 1 in 5 workers are “actively disengaged”—actually against their organization, their boss or both.¹

Yikes. As a business and community leader myself, this statistic is depressing. It tells me that we have a lot of work to do to activate the potential of those we work with and serve every day. A LOT of work.

It also strikes a chord. Deep in my gut, I know what it feels like to be on the other end of this data—the one in the room that is daydreaming of working anywhere but here, the one whose passions can never seem to be contained inside of a single job description. My business ebbs and flows with the seasons like all consulting firms do: sometimes I get antsy. When it’s slow, I get bored, feel underutilized, guilty for not working my tail off, and fall into a predictable funk. I want to contribute as much as I can, to do good work, like most people do. Yet, it is a rare scenario that every single day of our working lives will be purpose-filled and electrifying. Dammit.

So, when the disengaged person in the room is YOU, what do you do?

Here’s my way out:

Self-Reflect: For me, self-reflecting takes the form of journaling. When I sit down at my desk in the morning and realize I’ve got a huge “boulder” clogging my mind, I take a few minutes to write it all out, literally clearing the boulder out of my way. Sounds like a waste of precious time, but those 15 minutes are probably the most effective way to getting my head on straight and show up fully.

Self-reflection allows your struggle to express itself, even when your inclination is to struggle against it. Give it a voice on paper. Validate your experience and your needs. I promise that bringing light to what ails you will lessen its pressure considerably. Sometimes, we just need to be heard. Even if only by ourselves.

Connect with Your Gurus: My inner circle freaking rocks. When I notice my energy is apathetic or even angry at work, post-writing session, I immediately reach out to my most trusted personal friends and teachers. They may not know it, but I call them my “personal board of directors.” These women and men are people with whom I can fully express myself and know I’m safe. I can show them my ugly and they’ll still love me (a miracle, I know!). They my best interests at heart. They see my bigness, my heart, and my potential. Of course, they are much wiser than me.

Find your people who can give you the same room to learn. They will be your battery source. If you don’t have anyone now, that’s perfectly okay. Start looking for people you admire and trust, then cultivate a relationship. The best ones are mutually supportive. And they don’t happen by accident. Build your tribe.

Let Yourself Be Known: Put yourself out there. Whether you will ride the wave within your current company or set your sites somewhere else, reaching out to new people brings fresh air into any situation. At one particularly stale point in my career, I decided to get involved in my community through volunteering. I’m now part of three incredible organizations that allow me to fulfill a need to contribute, while also putting me in front of a ton of strangers. These strangers, surprisingly, network for me! It’s incredibly energizing, and both my firm and I are reaping the rewards.

It all started because I put myself out there. I found something I was interested in, asked if I could help, and—surprise—I have a huge new community network that is satisfying my work and personal goals in unexpected ways. So, go surprise yourself. If there’s a nagging voice in your head to volunteer at a dog shelter, go do it! I dare you!

Take Care: When we’re unhappy at work, it can be a red flag that we’re not taking care of ourselves. For me, I get my tush into yoga class multiple times a week. (You should thank me for that; I’m much less crazy when I do). I will take some deep breaths in the morning before I get out of bed, rather than obsess over my iPhone first thing. I take long walks on my lunch break. Because when it comes down to it, I know that my number one job is taking care of ME: what else is possible if I’m in poor working condition? Nothing. When I’m in good shape, so is my work.

This doesn’t mean you need to go on a radical health kick. Just restore some balance in your life. What gives you energy and joy and peace? Do more of that. If baking cookies makes you giggle like a child, please, go bake! Find your happy. You matter. Your work (and your team) needs you to be well taken care of. And it’s not their job to do it—it’s yours.

If you’re disengaged at work, your LIFE is calling. Start listening to that quiet hum inside of you. Nurture it.

Resources:

Warrell, Margie. (2013). “70% Disengagement” – 3 Ways To Engage Those Who Aren’t. Forbes. Retrieved from:http://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2013/06/07/70-disengagement-3-ways-to-engage-those-who-arent/

What Is Time Management?

1 | Focus On What Is Important

2 | Prioritize Your Day

3 | Align Your Core Values

4 | Keep Your Overall Vision In Mind

5 | Leave Time For Renewal

6 | Practice Essentialism

What Is Stress?

Causes of Stress At Work

The Cost Of Work-Related Stress

How To Recover From Work-Related Stress

Wholeness At Work

Have A Plan

Give Your Team Time To Vote

Allow For Political Diversity

Be Prepared For Any Outcome

Psychic autonomy: to cut the mental cords that bind you so as to free up your capacity for new experiences, new relationships, and new insights; the freedom to know yourself anew.

Knowing the right questions to ask – then asking them – is the most powerful action a leader can take.

Executive teams have to be both clear and aligned on who you are, where you’re going, and how you’re going to win for your organization to thrive.

Promise less; clarify more. Do less; achieve more. And, focus, focus, focus.

You may be superman, but I don’t have 160% of me to go around.

Renewal for Self = Positive Culture for your Team/Organization

If you’re disengaged at work, your LIFE is calling. Start listening to that quiet hum inside of you. Nurture it.

Who We Are

Info

Let’s Connect

Erin Rocchio

Wholeness at Work

Psychic autonomy: to cut the mental cords that bind you so as to free up your capacity for new experiences, new relationships, and new insights;
the freedom to know yourself anew.